Update

Someone please explain this too me...

If you read the previous post you know that Mrs. C is with a real asshole. I realize that assholism is usually an inheritted problem. And yet, it never ceases to amaze me when one asshole reveals his backwoods-asshole-roots.

So the other night in the middle of all this hoopla, Grandma C showed up in a hissy fit demanding that she have her Grandchild, blah blah blah. When she's storming around in a fit while one of the women calls the police I try to explain that we're just making sure Neighbor B's butt is covered because Grandparent's don't have custodial rights. At this point Grandma C gets pissy with me asking what custodial rights I have!! ("Lady, I'm not claiming to have rights to your grandkid, I'm just trying to make sure everyone is doing right by that little girl asleep at my neighbors!... grrr... I hate people!)

So yes, they had to give the kid to her, they had to sit back and let this all happen knowing that Mrs. C would be out of jail in 1 hour to come get her kid. There is this huge stink, Grandma C is bitchy, Mr. C is bitchy, all the C's have clearly forgotten to take their assholism mediations. Grandma C threatens other Grandma with legal actions and lawyers, etc.

Now, keep in mind that this all took place at precisely 5:00 AM. About 5 hours later, they must have decided they'd had enough because Grandma C delivered the baby to Mrs. C at about 10:00 AM before she dropped her son off at his apartment at 11! Guess they didn't really want the kid as bad as they thought. Or maybe Mr. C couldn't be bothered with his kid over the weekend (Mrs. C has to take her to day-care while she works, even though Mr. C doesn't have a job!) Or maybe, Grandma C took her son in for a drug test like she promised only to find out that Mrs. C was telling the truth!! That of course is unlikely, but my favorite explanation.

I don't really know anything other than the fact that assholism is clearly genetic and obviously the only reason that the C family wanted the baby last night was to hurt Mrs. C!

--------

P.S. -- "Mr. C, you probably shouldn't be calling all the guys here PUSSIES for not fighting with you. YOU turned your girlfriend in because she SLAPPED you!! I think that makes it VERY CLEAR who the real PUSSY is!!"

P.S.S. -- "Great, now all the psychos are going to be on my site looking to slap some pussy! Sorry to disappoint!"

Be careful what you wish for...

We have hereby concluded that living here is the best cure for boredom. If you are totally lacking in your fair share of DRAMA and feel that life has you trapped in an excitement-free-rut... please, come join us at our housing facility.

Last night's events involved the following:

Police visit #1 - Neighbor A gets a phone call from her ex-husband and BIL threatening to come over and start shit with her current boyfriend because he's "stepping on the ex-husband's toes". Poor J is having to defend himself & his girlfriend but he's still not getting any! Why? Well beause the cops keep interrupting...

Police visit #2 - Neighbor B is watching Neighbor C's daughter. Mr. C is supposedly hopped up on drugs & drunk, but trying to beat Mrs. C to pick up his daughter. Mrs. C slapped Mr. C for demanding $100 for crap when she's struggling to pay rent. Cops arrest Mrs. C for domestic assault and say Mr. C can pick up his daughter after noon when he sobers up.

Police call - Mr. C's mother comes to pick up grandbaby, must get clarification from police before handing the child over.

Police visit #3 - While loading up his kid in his mother's vehicle (no car seat) Mr. C threatens ever person who is standing outside. Threatens to sic his dog on people. Threatens to come back with his cousin. Police do nothing.

Police call - reporting that grandma & Mr. C are driving without carseat.

All in all... the cops did nothing about Mr. C being drunk on probation. They did nothing about the fact that he clearly drove 30 miles drunk. They did nothing to see if he was on drugs. They did not catch them without a carseat. They did not file charges for the threats made.

The only good thing is that the housing director doesn't tolerate this behavior and she is now going to handle it. And Mrs. C did not have to spend the night in jail. As of 6 am she was leaving with her parents. Sadly though, she will now have to fight to get her kid back from Mr. C.

Oh the excitement!! Come join!

Like sands through the hour glass... so are the days of our lives.

Pet Peeve of the Day

Having crawled out from under my rock, I decided to spend the day browsing the internet. Just some random browsing. And I stumbled upon my mother's local newspaper and an article published last week. MAN DOES THIS BURN MY ASS!!

Step 1: U.S. Surgeon General publishes a report on the dangers of second-hand smoke.
Step 2: Local law enforcement decides it is their duty to label smoking with a child in the vehicle as CHILD ABUSE!
Step 3: Charge all people caught smoking in a vehicle with a child with a Class 1 misdemeanor ($1,000 fine! That'll make 'em quit smoking!)
Step 4: Decide smoking in your home is child abuse!
Step 5: TOTAL VIOLATION OF CIVIL RIGHTS!!

Maybe I'm stretching things a bit. Maybe my visions of perfectly happy homes being disrupted by SWAT teams wielding automatic weapons and bullet-proof vests is going overboard. Maybe I just think that the government should mind their own fucking business and let me raise my kid!

What's next? Are they going to arrest me if I buy my kid a Happy Meal. Why not? Isn't just as dangerous to let my kid get fat? Doesn't a diet high in saturated fats clearly endanger my child's well being? What if I let them get a dog? What if it might someday bite? Isn't it dangerous to have my kid in a car at all? What if I let them play in the mud? Or eat a bug!! Or skin thier knee!! What if I don't apply Neosporin to every cut every time? What if I think it's okay for them ride a bicycle? Or climb a tree!! What if I cut my chicken and vegetables on the same cutting board? What if I let them try sushi? What if I'm okay with them playing video games? Or watching R-rated movies? Or listening to Rap!!! What if I let them ride horses? What if I let them swim in lakes? What if I let them go fishing? What if I don't make them tie their shoe laces? What if I forgot to read them Mother Gooses Nursery Rhymes every fucking night?

Seriously!!

Yes, I realize that smoking is the parent's choice and the child has no say in it. Therefor the national dictatorship feels it necessary to force us to do what is right. In that case... lets assess all the other "ADULT" choices that affect children.

What if I never marry her father? What if I do? What if I divorce him? What if I refuse to let her see some of her family members? What if I force her to see others? What if I make her go to school? What if I make her do her homework? For that matter, what if I let her skip school one day? What if I don't make her eat her vegetables at every meal? What if I don't force her to see a therapist? What if I let her eat chocolate cake for breakfast? What if I rub whiskey on her gums when she's teething? What if I let her watch too much TV? What if I don't pick her up when she cries? Do we pass a law that makes breast-feeding mandatory because it is better for children's health?

Let me make sure I've got this straight...
...I could be drunk every night, never hold my child, never tell them I love them, force my child to grow up in some fucked up relationship that is unhealthy, feed her crappy food, let her vegitate in front of the TV, never make her take a bath, and allow her to drop out of school... but as long as these activities aren't actually "harming" her it's okay... GOD FORBID I SMOKE A CIGARETTE IN A CAR WITH HER!!

Can we say, "HAIL HITLER!!!"?

White Women CAN Jump

So here I was outside minding my own business. We had just got back from town and the front door was still propped open. When I turn to go inside, THIS is what I saw trying to enter my house!! 13 inches of this!!!

Needless to say my daughter has quite a set of lungs and we found out today that she inheritted them from me. SCREAM? Yes I did. Like a GIRL!!

"DADDY!! COME QUICK!! NOW!!! IT'S GETTING IN THE HOUSE!!!"

All the while I was standing on top of the bench on our front step. Exactly where this creature sought to hide after being chased from the house!

OH YES!! I CAN JUMP!!

I cleared the flowers and landed several feet into the yard!!

In My Email

My friend, Samantha, emailed this to me today. I think it is so true and wanted to share it with everyone. Hope you enjoy!

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she ever wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a youth she's content to leave behind....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
how to fall in love without losing herself..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
that her childhood may not have been perfect. but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

MAYA ANGELOU

This Is Just Heartbreaking!

Yes! I'm guilty! I've laughed at the expense of others. I've made the comment that if I knew there was a hurricane coming, I'd have started walking to higher ground. I've wondered why it was so shocking that a city BELOW sea level got flooded. I've made comments about people who build their homes on fault lines, people who build their houses on the sides of cliffs, and people who build their houses where brush fires happen every year.

I clearly remember the children's song stating "the wise man built his house upon a rock!" It seems like a simple case of common sense because "the house on the sand washed away!" Well DUH!!! The thing is that no matter where you live in the world, you're going to have to "choose your poison" when it comes to natural disasters.

So, yes! I've laughed at the comedian who joked about tornadoes hitting trailer parks. I've giggled at the "rednecks" that seem to appear on television following a tornado. I have joked about how my dippy father is going to end up in Kansas one day because he refuses to go to the basement when the storms get bad.

But all the joking aside. There is absolutely nothing funny about THIS! The devestation at Greensburg, Kansas is unimaginable. 95% of the town of 1500 was wiped out! I'd seen the pictures on the news, but nothing hits you like the aerial photos. Total devestation in a matter of minutes!

Attention McDonald's Employee

This is just to let you know I think you are fucking stupid (explains your employment status).

Any grade school drop out should be able to place a rectancle of fish on a circle bun and place a smaller rectangle of cheese on that.

Explain why my fish was half off the bun and half of my cheese was melted to the box?

Obviously, McDonald's needs to require that their employees complete Second Grade!

IDIOTS!

Today was brought to you by the letter F!

Have I mentioned I hate Mondays? Seriously, who the hell decided that Monday was so great? And who's bright idea was it to schedule all of my prenatal visits on MONDAYS? Seriously, what kind of shit is this?

Think I'm over-reacting? FINE! You like Mondays so much? You try starting your week out by having some jolly cheerful doctor check your tonsils via your nether regions!! Yeah! See how much you like Mondays then!!

MONDAYS SUCK!!

That being said, here's today's spectacular chain of events.

• Sleep in on my day off!
• Wake Daddy Dearest up for appointment.
• Make DD laugh all the way to town because "I can't feel the wind, turn on the AC!" We drove all the way there with the windows down and the AC on because "I can't feel the wind!"
• --------
• Nether-region tonsilectomy
• More epidural comments
• Baby & Mommie are both perfectly healthy
• Almost 38 weeks and no progress
• Doc is still optomistic but exact words were, "Now we just play it week to week. Not looking very promising right now. HAVE SEX!"
• Cuss obstinant unborn daughter for being too damn comfortable! GET OUT OF ME!!
• --------
• Waddle through Dollar Tree finding none of the things I went there to buy.
• Find one of the items on the front wall AFTER I've already paid for my junk.
• Glare at items and decided it just isn't worth it.
• --------
• Go to eat at Long John Silver's. Heart set on fish sandwich.
• Find that LJS is no longer there due to construction. No clue where it went!
• Settle for cheap-ass fish sandwich from the piss-colored arches!
• --------
• Get home, call realtor, schedule time to view a house, get address.
• Decide to go check out house in advance
• Driving down road (windows down & AC going)
• DD slows down and sticks head out window to check tire (I haven't mentioned how paranoid he is about vehicles)
• Laugh hysterically at DD when his hat instantly blows off and lands in the middle of the road behind us. (Guess he couldn't feel the wind either!)
• Go back to pick up hat
• Go check out house. It's fabulous, in the country, five acres, and we can afford it. Something will definately go wrong with the loan application process!
• --------
• Check out nearby road to see where it goes.
• Discover large tree down across entire road (I'm a "country girl" and I must say this is a first for me. The tree was blocking the whole damn road. AND the road was paved. Okay, so it was "lightly" paved, but still!)
• Come back home to fill out loan paperwork.
• --------
• Discover while we were gone "Parking-Challenged" has placed their vehicle smack dab between two parked cars. Said vehicle is strategically placed to prevent anyone from parking on either side of it.
• Park red car along tree line (not parking area)
• Move grey car closer to Parking-Challenged vehicle.
• Move red car beside grey car.
• Cuss continuously throughout whole process.
• --------
• Fill out loan papers.
• Find all necessary documents.
• Spend a moment admiring my "skills" at writing my divorce decree and settlement.
• Call boss and ask for tomorrow off to view house and meet with loan department.
• --------
• Clean closet.
• Daddy Dearest (holding stuffed animals that go in closet): "Let's play catch!"
• Me (not ready to put stuffed animals in closet): "No, I'm not ready for them!"
• Daddy Dearest (grinning): "Okay, then we'll play dodgeball!" (proceeds to pelt me with stuffed pink pig and 50 squishy frogs)
• --------
• Reorganize baby furniture.
• Cuss because apartment is too small for all our shit and a baby!
• --------
• Pig out on stir-fry.
• --------
• Write pointless blog about day's events.
• --------
• Go to bed thankful that MONDAY IS OVER!!!

So I wasn't online yesterday because I was sleepy. I wasn't on today because I HATE MONDAYS!! And I probably won't be on tomorrow because I'll still be recovering from Monday (a good "fix" of HOUSE might help!). Guess I'll talk to you all on Wednesday!

Much love and HAPPY BLOGGING!!

Oh yeah, just to make me feel better . . .

FUCK MONDAY!!!

Trash to Treasure

I must say that my mother taught me well. YES! I'm an ONLY CHILD! And YES! I'm spoiled frigging rotten! And YES! I have trouble sharing and tend to have a fit if I don't get MY WAY!

However, I don't really think that I ask for a whole lot of anything. I appreciate everything I have and I work hard to get the things I want.

Like any SPOILED DIVA, I love nice new things. I'm infatuated with anything that sparkles, shines, or shimmers! I enjoy being pampered! And I have no problem admitting that in my next life I want to be a GOLD DIGGER!!!

But underneath it all, I truly do know the value of a dollar and how to make it stretch farther than the Golden Gate Bridge. I learned at a young age that you can make any item of furniture out of milk crates. Large cardboard boxes can be used for tables. Sheets are curtains. And a beautiful wrap skirt looks fabulous as a wall hanging.

Growing up we put a whole new meaning to "One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure!"

It was not uncommon to visit the town dump in search of furniture that could be repaired and reused. Many of my favorite items from my childhood were items that someone else didn't want. From dumps to hand-me-downs, many a cherished item came to us second-hand.

So it's no big surprise that I'm a GARAGE SALE JUNKIE!!

That being said, today was our "city-wide" (I use the term city lightly) garage sale and I simply could not resist. With baby on board, money is tight and I budgetted for 3 weeks to splurge at the garage sales. I must say, "I did quite well!"

Today's Treasures!

Patio Chair $5.00

Stroller $5.00

Baby Mozart VHS $0.75

AND

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas VHS $0.25

"I Spy" Preschool Game $1.00

2 Mason Jar Mugs with Lemon design $0.50

4 stuffed frogs my co-worker gave me but I paid her $1.00 anyway!

4 Stephen King books I didn't have $1.00

2 bagged lawnchairs for camping $3.00

About 12 horror novels my co-worker gave me for FREE

9 small glass bottles I picked out for my Mom $2.25

1-gallon glass Clorox jug for Mom $1.00

half-gallon green glass bottle for Mom $1.00

1 set of kitchen knives for Daddy Dearest $2.00

A furry purple pillow I just had to have $1.00

Pier Import's incense burner for Daddy Dearest $0.50

And 13 children's books ($0.25/each)... most of them old hardbacks $3.25

• Walt Disney's Dumbo (1947)
• Dr. Seuss's One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish (1960)
• Chester by Syd Hoff (1961)
• Dr. Seuss's ABC (1963)
• Snoopy and the Red Baron (1966)
• In a People House (1972)
• Walt Disney's The Brave Little Tailor (1974)
• Bambi Grows Up (1979)
• Down on the Farm with Grover (1980)
• The Tale of the Dark Crystal (1982)
• The Magic School Bus: Lost in the Solar System (1990)
• Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too
• Charlotte's Web

And the GRAND TOTAL for the day is . . .

$28.50!!

Top that WAL*MART!!

And further more . . . I did not buy a single article of clothing or a single nicknack to clutter up my home. I'm so proud of myself! Every purchase had a purpose! That's quite an accomplishment for a junkie like myself.

Oh yeah . . . I almost forgot!

THE BOTTLES WERE A NICE TOUCH!!

Moving Up In the World!

So today when we stopped to get the mail, we discovered that Daddy Dearest is definately moving up in the world! Amidst the bills and junk mail, there was an official letter from Metropolitan Who's Who.

The letter reads as follows:

--------------------------------

March 26, 2007

Dear (Daddy Dearest):

It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into the 2007/2008 Metropolitan Who's Who Among Executives and Professionals "Honors Edition" of the Registry.

(Please keep in mind that Daddy Dearest delivers PIZZA for a living!!)

The 2007/2008 edition of the Registry will include biographies of our country's most accomplished professionals. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout America each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement.

(I too strive to be recognized on the same level as my pizza delivery man!!)

Upon final confirmation, you will be listed among thousands of accomplished professionals in the Metropolitan Who's Who Registry.

(Thousands of accomplished professionals? Like the clown at the Wal-Mart Photo Center and the "sample lady" at your local grocery store!)

For accuracy and publication deadlines please return your application form to us at your earliest convenience. There is no cost to be included.

(But wouldn't you pay to be included in this prestigious list?)

On behalf of the Managing Director, we wish you continued success.

(Keep the PIZZA coming!!)

Sincerely,

Amy M. Giommetti
Editor in Chief

181 Freeman Avenue, Suite C Islip, New York 11751 (P) 631-581-6100 (F) 631-980-4054

www.metroexec.com

(Think you deserve this prestigious award? Apply online to be listed along with other accomplished professionals and pizza boys!)

Metropolitan Who's Who is not associated with any other Who's Who publication or organization.

--------------------------------

So to all of you EXECUTIVES and PROFESSIONALS out there, I have a bit of advice!

QUIT spending thousands of dollars furthering your education!

QUIT working endless hours and missing out on important family events!

STOP striving to climb the corporate ladder!

You are wasting your precious time and money to be hoisted to the same level as MY PIZZA BOY!!

EAT THAT DONALD TRUMP!!!

Side Note: Please do not think for one minute that I am making fun of Daddy Dearest.

Honestly, it would probably shock you to know that he makes more money delivering pizzas than I make educating your spoiled brats!

(okay, so they probably aren't yours, and not all of them are spoiled, and most of them really aren't brats! But how frustrating to know that they could go out and get a job like Daddy's, make more money than me AND get listed in this "prestigious" publication!)

I'm writing my college and telling them I want a REFUND!!

Broken Bow Fire!

Tragic Fire

burns businesses on the south side of Broken Bow's town square.

The fire started the evening of April 1st and burnt through well into the next afternoon.

you can read more about this tragic fire at SandhillsExpress.com (more photos in the gallery) or at NTV(abc)News.

Congratulations!!

Suburban Turmoil blogger, Lindsey, had her baby!!

"Bruiser" was born at 3:48 pm on Wednesday, March 14th, 2007!

He was 10 lbs, 1/4 oz and 22 inches long!!

A HUGE CONGRATS IS IN ORDER!!

(so get your butts over there and congratulate her! Any woman who has a 10+ pound baby deserves tons of "happy thoughts".)

Soda Can From Hell!

Today I encountered the soda from Hell. It was a mystery soda I had purchased from the seemingly normal vending machine in the office. There was a minor dent upon the bottom of the can, but nothing to deter the average soda drinker.

This devilish can had sat on my desk for about ten minutes when I finally decided to open it. During those ten minutes it had not been disturbed in the slightest way to provoke an irritable nature. However, upon opening the can it immediately fizzed in a very threatening manner. As if it thought about exploding all over me, but then thought otherwise. I sipped away the soda foam, thankful that we had adverted a potential disaster for both me and the computer's keyboard. Much to my surprise, I found that the can was still foaming. On two more occasions I sipped away the excess foaminess expecting the endless (yet, extremely slow) flow to eventually subside. As the clock ticked on, the can continued to foam over at the top in a strange and eerie fashion. I finally resorted to the age old trick of placing your finger in the soda. The bubbles quickly dispersed, but once my finger was removed, the entourage began again.

Finally, out of great concern for my own safety, I poured the liquid concoction into a plastic cup so that I might better examine it. Upon close examination there were swirls of rainbows within the liquid much like you would see in a spot of oil poured upon the ground. This I could easily have overlooked, after all, I did stick my fingers in the liquid and surely they were oily.

However, as I watched the endless flow of fizzling bubbles on the surface of the soda, it became clear to me that they were moving in oddly straight lines. There was no randomness to the bubbles. They swirled around in connected lines of chaos like some strange ballet.

At this point in the discussion, I must admit that I was concerned that I may be hallucinating. Therefore I called over a co-worker who verified that while I may be clinically insane, I was NOT hallucinating. There was definitely something very wrong with my soda.

So, for the personal safety of all of us involved, I chose to trash my fifty cent can of soda. It was a tragedy, but one I was willing to make after what I had witnessed. Please, be wary of all suspicious soda cans that spit fuzzy bubbles for no apparent reason.

The Tragic Fate of Wiley

If you've never seen what passes for a zoo in a small midwestern town, you are definately missing out. To say the least, the facility we drove through today could be compared to the Alcatraz of the Animal Kindom. The free-admission zoo in this tiny little town makes you contemplate what crimes these animals must have committed to be sentenced to a life of incarceration in a Midwest community.
I must admit that the small boring cages might tug at the heart strings of some animal lovers, but I rather like to think that the animals were probably rescued from places that were far worse than their current homes.
While driving along the parkway that passes near the walking area (it was too damn cold to actually walk through the "zoo") one particular cage caught my attention. Behind the large wire silo which house a seemingly comatose monkey, stuffed between a daydreaming bobcat and another unseen creature was a lone coyote.
Why, might you ask, would a common coyote in a pen pose any interest to a native farm girl? Well, frankly, he was seriously distraught!
Wiley coyote was repeatedly circling around his cage in the most monotonous manner I have ever seen. While I must sypathize slightly with his utter boredom, I couldn't help but contemplate what must be going through his mind.
"Bored. Bored. So bored. God I'm bored. I see wire. Yep, more wire. What's with all the wire? Bored! Wonder if I can dig out! Dirt. Dirt. Dirt! SHIT! CONCRETE! Damn, I broke a nail! Bored! Gotta get out! Gotta get free! BORED! Jesus Christ I'm bored! FUCK! I'm so BORED! I think I've been here before! Yep, passed that corner a few seconds ago! BORED! Please, just shoot me! Can't you see I'm bored? Bored!"
By the time we pulled away far enough that I could no longer see the unfortunate prisoner, I was laughing so hard I could hardly breathe.
While I'm sure there are those out there who will not find the humor in this, I must say, it was absolutely hilarious. It could definately fall under one of those things that you just had to SEE!
A quick aside, if you think I'm cruel because I'm laughing at the "poor unfortunate creature" please understand that a small part of me did feel sorry for him. But a larger part of me knows exactly what a coyote will do to a small newborn calf. This larger part of me cannot get over the humor of
"Bored. Bored. God I am so fucking bored! Think I'll circle the cage again. Yep, same as it was a few seconds ago. Still BORED!"