Who's Sybil?

Great, now I have to DEFEND myself! This is getting out of hand!

First I must say that I have no idea who this "Sybil" is or what my Mother thinks she's talking about! I DO NOT have multiple personalities!! (But I do believe several of the voices that inhabit my mind may need serious therapy!)

As far as golf carts go, I deny having anything to do with that situation! I'll tell you all exactly the same thing I told the officer when he asked me about it the following day. "Which golf cart?" I do not recall a golf cart that ended up stranded across town when two teenage girls wanted to visit a friend. Fortunately, due to insubstancial evidence (and some shoddy police work) no charges were ever pressed against me. I consider this whole situation to simply be a misunderstanding of the facts. Frankly, it's their word against mine and I'm sticking to my story! I have no idea why that local police officer got it into his mind that I may be trouble and continued to follow me around for the entire summer. I believe he must have been seriously over-worked and suffering from a great deal of stress.

I have no knowledge of where exactly the "Willie Nelson Farm Aide Handbook" came from. It was passed on to me from a third-party who may or may not have mentioned that the statute of limitations had expired on it. I do know that it is a very interesting book full of several interesting phone numbers. However, I imagine that much of the information is now very outdated. The years have played quite a toll on my young mind and I seem to have totally forgotten who gave the book to me in the first place.

Unlike my mother, who tends to blame her misadventures on her "supposed" alter-egos, I have no problem taking responsibility for my mistakes. In both of the above situations, I feel that I was an innocent victim of "guilt by association."

As far as marrying FS, I have a very logical explanation for that. I was under the strange misconception that a marriage was solely about loving someone. Unfortunately, I failed to realize that marriage also includes being able to tolerate the stupidity of a man, being able to overlook the financial incompitance of some people, and being able to keep from killing one's in-laws. It was not until I had signed the papers that I realized I was incapable of doing these other three things. Rather than spending the rest of my life in prison for burying my husband and his family in shallow graves, I opted to file for divorce.

Looking back is was really a blessing in disguise. I no longer have those misconceptions of perfection and having that first ex-husband under my belt has brought with it a very satisfying amount of relief.

I have since set my standards for "husband-material" a little bit higher. Next time around (which is not expected in the near future) I fully intend to marry for money. Daddy Dearest is well aware of the fact that while I love him very much, I am hoping that he is a wise financial investment. (There's good money in pizza these days!)

And in regards to our unborn daughter, I must say that if she has genetically inheritted any unsatifactory traits, they certainly have to come from her father or her maternal grandmother. Clearly, she could inherit nothing but a positive personality and fabulous sense of humor from ME! I am completely mentally stable and maintain that I have no clue why the men come around knocking on my door with that pretty white straight jacket. I believe they must either be lost or dipping into their surplus of mind-altering medications.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!