Chronicles of a Dysfunctional Family

Appropriately titled "As the Family Burns" by my mother, the drama that has become my family is getting ridiculously out of hand. If you find yourself confused by the comings and goings of this highly dysfunctional group, feel free to stop by here for the latest updates.

February 14 - Let's Play Ball (Me): After a great amount of forethought, I have decided that I’m tired of the games that people are playing. I always tell people to avoid the excess drama in their lives unless they can find a way to be entertained by the drama. I’ve finally decided to take my own advice...

February 27 - This Is a Fun Game (Me): Wanna know what the weather is like where I am? Check out The Weather Channel...

March 1 - See If This Blunt Enough For You (Me): Here's a little story I wrote! See if you can fill in the blanks...

March 7 - Here's Why I'm Mad (Me): There's only two reasons that you might have ended up on this site reading the words I have typed. Either you are a random net surfer who stumbled on her in the hopes that I could provide you with cheap entertainment. In which case, I must appologize...

March 13 - Just a Response Letter (Me): This is my delayed explanation for my recent irritation with my family... Let's recap what has happened since Christmas...

March 23 - Who I Am (Mom): There seems to be some confusion about who I am. Or maybe it is why I am like I am. Let me try and clear it up for you...

March 27 - Who's Gonna Burn In Hell (Mom): Recently, my daughter had to listen to yet another criticism of her Mother. AT THE FAMILY CHRISTMAS no less. Did I tell you I come from a classy bunch? Anyway, this particular bitch of the day was that I put all my heirlooms in a box in the basement...

March 28 - Conversation (Mom): If you follow my blog you know that myself (the unfit Mother of 27 years) and my poor, mistreated, under cared for, unloved daughter have some rather long conversations on the phone. To the point that even her Dad gives me the fish eye sometimes...

April 7 - Who Eats Rabbit for Easter? (Me): If you're looking for my usual happy-go-fartsy laugh-your-ass-off post, you're out of luck! This post is a sarcastic, insult-filled, irritated bitchfest about my family (interrupted by an occasional moment of comic relief)...
My Unfamily Easter (Mom): The Hagatha saga continues. Here we are on the eve of Easter. I was just informed that Haggie's gang is having their Easter together at the D side of the family. I am not invited. What a shock that is...

April 11 - Hag Games (Mom): So, You thought I was bluffing. I was not. No funny blog here today. I'm on funny blog strike. YOU MUST HEAR A HAGATHA BLOG TODAY...
More Hag Stuff (Mom): Nope still no funny. More Hag stuff:HAG DOES NOTHING WITHOUT A REASON. The reason for the casino trip...

April 12 - Special Offer (Me): Is your family getting too big to handle? Are you tired of those happy family gatherings? Wish you could get some peace and quiet without your relatives calling to see how you are? Can't afford to buy Christmas gifts? Have I got the solution for you!...
Hag and Hubby (Mom): Man, not only does the truth hurt, but in this case, I think it drove up their asses and dumped an entire semi load of WHAT THE FUCK, in there...

April 13 - It's About??? (Mom): Today's blog will be about: My wonderful childhood memories. No wait...

April 16 - Hagatha's Revenge (Mom): MY DAD. OF HIS OWN DOING, NOTHING TO DO WITH HAGATHA, SHE FOUGHT HIM ON IT. LOADED UP EVERYTHING CLETUS OR I HAD EVER GIVEN THEM AND DUMPED IT AT MY HOUSE TODAY...

April 17 - You Bet I Had Time To Rest (Mom): Post op instructions. Take it easy. You are to stay quiet. You need to rest. YEP GOT IT.SO YOU GET THIS FOLKS:ASSHOLE INC. UNLOADED A PICKUP LOAD OF STUFF @ MY HOUSE ½ HOUR BEFORE I HAD THIS WORK DONE...
Going Out of Family SALE (Mom): SALE BILL POSTED ALL OVER CALLAWAY:DUE TO THE FACT THAT WE WILL BE RETIRING FROM THE H(the name is spelled out) FAMILY. WE WILL BE HAVING A "GOING OUT OF FAMILY" SALE NEAR WELLFLEET...

April 18 - CODE BLACK! (Me): In light of recent events it has come to my attention that some people in my family need a serious attitude adjustment! Since there are laws about beating up 70-year-old elderly individuals, my options at this point seem rather limited. However, being the resourceful young woman that I am, I have come up with several options that might get my point across without earning me a mug shot and orange jumpsuit!...
Goodbye to a Dear Friend (Mom): On April 16th, 2006 JUDY lost her long and courageous fight with Cancer of the Family. Right to the end she fought to beat this deadly disease...

April 19 - Your Help Needed (Mom): OK FOLKS. THIS IS THE FAMOUS LETTER. HIGHLIGHTED IN BLUE IS THE ONLY THING THE PARENTS GOT OUT OF THE ENTIRE LETTER. NO WHERE IN THIS LETTER DO I SUGGEST THEY STOP DOING WHAT THEY DO...

April 26 - As the Family Burns (Mom): OK, I'm sorry, I just can't be serious about this anymore. This Sad Saga Drama Series has now moved to a full fledged comedy...

May 5 - Drunk Again (Mom): WARNING: I HAVE BEEN DRINKING. I PROMISED TO DRINK FOR ELLIE'S MOMMIE, CHRIS AND FLYGIRL...

May 24 - Bulldog is Out! (Mom): AS MY DEAR FRIEND SAID, IF THEY PISS YOU OFF ENOUGH TO BRING OUT BULLDOG, THEY DESERVE WHAT THEY GET...