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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My latest accomplishment!

About a week ago, I recieved a postcard from an "anonomous" mailer letting me know that there would be a party for my great-uncles birthday.  Since my mother had recieved a phone call a few days prior, it was no surprise that there was a party.  It was, however, a surprise to find the postcard in the mail THE DAY BEFORE the "party"!!  Unfortunately, much like our summer camp out, I was unable to attend on such a short notice!
Upon closer examination, I realized that the "mystery mailer" had suddenly forgotten my name!  I realize that I haven't spoken to anyone in a while, but I'm pretty sure there are enough gossip-mongers around to spread the news if I had run off with the pizza boy and changed my name to SNITZLEBOGGER MCGOOGLETON!!
Further examination, revealed my address was wrong, which probably (along with no last name) contributed to the late arrival of my postcard.  I find it very difficult to believe that the "mystery mailer" was capable of remembering my zip code, but somehow forgot my house number by accident.
At this point I became a little bit irked.  Honestly, why in the world would you take the time to invite me to a party and then intentionally forget my name, miswrite my address, and then not even sign the postcard (I mean photograph you wrote on the back of) with your name or return address?  WHAT A WASTE OF A STAMP!!  If you were trying to punish me, you might start by keeping me away from things I like.  Eating dinner at a cheesy western bar with a bunch of 70-year-olds is not my idea of great excitement!!  Gee, real sorry I missed out on all that excitement!!
So today, I finally found the time to be a real BITCH!
I sent a postcard with these two maps on the front:
Nebraska Highway MapKansas Highway Map
Then, I took a knife and cut out a square in Nebraska where my parents live, and a square in Kansas where I live.
Written in the upper left, it says:
Since you find it
so hard to simply
for being WRONG!
Written in the bottom right:
Maybe it
will be easier
if you just
On the back I wrote:
I'm not dumb enough to believe you lost my
address or accidentally forgot how to write it
correctly.  I'm not stupid enough to think that
you forgot what MY LAST NAME WAS!  And
I don't think it's a coincidence that your post-
card arrived in my mail the day before the party!
Since you can't act like adults, please forget
where I live, lose my address, erase my phone
number AND forget any "holidays".
didn't give a shit when it mattered so don't
bother them now!
Along the bottom edge I placed our latest family pic, a pic of Ellie, and two 3-generation photos.  Of course, I couldn't resist strategically placing hearts over Ellie's face in ALL of the pictures! (that was the influence of my mother & co-worker)
Then I wrote near the pictures in small print:
Does this make
you mad?
I'd apologize
but I don't
think I've done
Hand written along the middle edge it says:
Looks like childish bullshit is contagious!
Since I wanted to be sure my postcard arrived, I did not omit the last name... instead I mispelled it henDICKS!!!  Then I addressed it to the wrong P.O. Box (40 instead of 42).
I will be mailing this postcard today or tomorrow... oh the joys!

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

All I can say is