Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Don't be a hypocrite!

You're okay when the school censors clothing that promotes alocohol, tobacco or drugs.  You're okay when the school censors clothing that implies inappropriate behavior.
You're okay when the school censors how short skirts can be, even if that means the cheerleaders are not allowed to wear their uniforms to school.
You're okay when the school censors chains, trench coats, bandanas, head bands and jewelry.
You even recommend that the school should censor some of the books that are extremely graphic and intense.
However, the minute someone points out that your pep club t-shirts might be taken the wrong way, you are instantly pissed to hell and back!
I'm sorry that it didn't click in your mind.  Clearly, it is an issue you need to take up with your husband.  Thankfully, I am not the only person who totally understands how someone could take your "logo" the wrong way.
Yes we may be sickos.  We may be perverts.  We may need to get our minds out of the gutter.  But that is besides the point.
"GIVE US SOMETHING TO SCREAM ABOUT!"  can be taken wrong on so many levels.
The madder you get, the more I think you are just jealous that some of us have something to scream about!!!
And if my memory serves me right, I do recall a few cheerleaders who had something to scream about on the bus ride home from the game.
You want to censor things, you're gonna have to get over it and choose a new logo.
Sorry if it hurt your feel bads, but I'm just speaking the truth.  You can't have one set of rules for the school and another set for your organizations.
I still vote you leave the shirts the way they are.  But I'm a trouble making bitch like that who loves to see "upity" people all freaked out over stupid bullshit.
Better yet, get T-shirts that say:
That'll piss em off!

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Saturday, November 24, 2007

Yes, She ALWAYS smiles for the camera!!

We're #1

I'm a little munchkin child!!

Come any closer and I'll sock you one!


Happy Holidays!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My latest accomplishment!

About a week ago, I recieved a postcard from an "anonomous" mailer letting me know that there would be a party for my great-uncles birthday.  Since my mother had recieved a phone call a few days prior, it was no surprise that there was a party.  It was, however, a surprise to find the postcard in the mail THE DAY BEFORE the "party"!!  Unfortunately, much like our summer camp out, I was unable to attend on such a short notice!
Upon closer examination, I realized that the "mystery mailer" had suddenly forgotten my name!  I realize that I haven't spoken to anyone in a while, but I'm pretty sure there are enough gossip-mongers around to spread the news if I had run off with the pizza boy and changed my name to SNITZLEBOGGER MCGOOGLETON!!
Further examination, revealed my address was wrong, which probably (along with no last name) contributed to the late arrival of my postcard.  I find it very difficult to believe that the "mystery mailer" was capable of remembering my zip code, but somehow forgot my house number by accident.
At this point I became a little bit irked.  Honestly, why in the world would you take the time to invite me to a party and then intentionally forget my name, miswrite my address, and then not even sign the postcard (I mean photograph you wrote on the back of) with your name or return address?  WHAT A WASTE OF A STAMP!!  If you were trying to punish me, you might start by keeping me away from things I like.  Eating dinner at a cheesy western bar with a bunch of 70-year-olds is not my idea of great excitement!!  Gee, real sorry I missed out on all that excitement!!
So today, I finally found the time to be a real BITCH!
I sent a postcard with these two maps on the front:
Nebraska Highway MapKansas Highway Map
Then, I took a knife and cut out a square in Nebraska where my parents live, and a square in Kansas where I live.
Written in the upper left, it says:
Since you find it
so hard to simply
for being WRONG!
Written in the bottom right:
Maybe it
will be easier
if you just
On the back I wrote:
I'm not dumb enough to believe you lost my
address or accidentally forgot how to write it
correctly.  I'm not stupid enough to think that
you forgot what MY LAST NAME WAS!  And
I don't think it's a coincidence that your post-
card arrived in my mail the day before the party!
Since you can't act like adults, please forget
where I live, lose my address, erase my phone
number AND forget any "holidays".
didn't give a shit when it mattered so don't
bother them now!
Along the bottom edge I placed our latest family pic, a pic of Ellie, and two 3-generation photos.  Of course, I couldn't resist strategically placing hearts over Ellie's face in ALL of the pictures! (that was the influence of my mother & co-worker)
Then I wrote near the pictures in small print:
Does this make
you mad?
I'd apologize
but I don't
think I've done
Hand written along the middle edge it says:
Looks like childish bullshit is contagious!
Since I wanted to be sure my postcard arrived, I did not omit the last name... instead I mispelled it henDICKS!!!  Then I addressed it to the wrong P.O. Box (40 instead of 42).
I will be mailing this postcard today or tomorrow... oh the joys!

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Friday, November 9, 2007

Guess Who?

Mommie & Ellie on Halloween 2007 at the Mall.

Dressed up as a school girl with an apple!