Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Monday, January 1, 2007

About Me

27 years old

Trying desperately to overcome my disfunctional family.

Currently enjoying my sinfully unmarried life with Daddy Dearest and our precious angel.

Residing somewhere between the edge of my sanity and OZ!

Trying to fight my packrat tendancies, but finding it hard to part with my much-valued junk.

My DVD's are alphabetized.

My crayon box and closet are both arranged by color.

I'm totally addicted to my camera.

I use the word "that" too much when I write.

I'm anal about typos.

I'm slightly neurotic and occasionally eccentric in thought.

My favorite color is cornflower blue.

Love the smell of alfalfa, rain, fresh linens, and cucumber melon.

I don't think cow manure stinks too bad.

I don't drink tap water. I prefer well water or bottled water.

Like peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches.

I graduated with a class of 19.

I educate our nations youth.

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