Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Kitchenitis Spreads


Here I thought that the Kitchen Incidents were isolated events limited to the parameters of my family members who are obviously Kitchen-Challenged.


Browsing the net, I stumbled upon a blog site that I enjoy reading occasionally. Skimming down through her blogs I find on titled "No Carrots Were Harmed in the Writing of this Post!"


Reading through her blog I was overwhelmed by her kitchen incident (and a sudden desire to pee my pants!)

From the soup she made to her dark kitchen, it is obviously clear that she has been struck by this horrifying disease! As I know from other blogs that she lives in Texas, I am greatly concern by the vast coverage of this disease. I can only hope that it has been limited to occuring only within the Midwest.

Please read her blog "No Carrots Were Harmed in the Writing of this Post!"

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