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Sunday, February 24, 2008

My Family Is Messed Up

Have I told you lately that I have a really messed up family?

Let me clarify this:

  • Grandma FuckHead - Problem causing, over-dramatic, attention seeking, delusional maniac. That's right. This woman is not happy unless someone else is unhappy. For the past 50 years, her passion has been antagonizing my mother whenever possible. Unfortunately, now that we've said "enough is enough" she no longer has my mother for a target. My sympathy to the next victim on her list (unless you brough it on yourself)
  • Grandpa JackAss - For years I thought he was just a spineless by-stander to his wife's antics. However, new incidents have made it perfectly clear that he'd rather wash his hands of his own family than admit that he or his wife have ever done anything wrong. NEWS FLASH!! I'd say telling your daughter that you didn't care if you ever saw your granddaughter or unborn great-granddaughter again definately qualifies as doing something wrong. And since I'm the one who decides whether you see us, I'd say my judgement matters a lot.
  • Uncle YesMan - Good-hearted guy who would do anything for his parents. Including, getting in the middle of an argument that had nothing to do with him. Hope it didn't turn out to backfire on him.
  • Aunt Sickly - Sweet aunt who married into a fucked up family. Tragically, she suffers from a major medical condition. Unfortunately, I have no sympathy since she milks it for all it's worth.
  • Uncle Scared-of-Me - Mouthy, red-headed uncle who used to get in the middle of things. However, since he tangled with a mouthy niece of his, he seems to have thought better of it. I wasn't bluffing when I told him I would expose the whole family's dirty little secrets if he didn't lay off on my Mom. Hell, I publish them in the damn newspaper!
  • Aunt Newly-Wed - Girl never knew what hit her. As if being married to my Uncle isn't hard enough, I swear my grandmother is permanently attached to her hip. Hope she likes threesomes. Probably shouldn't have sent Mom a book about how to be a person though. Doesn't win you any brownie points on this end of the field. Ignorance is no escuse.
  • Cousin Dippy & her Husband Deaf-Boy - Don't care that you are "disabled". You are no more disabled then the rest of this messed up lot. Not to mention that "disablity" has never been an excuse for STUPIDITY! You aren't my family. Your wife was adopted. She was only adopted because she wasn't getting enough attention at the time. The proof of that is the fact that she now cares more about her biological POS than the man who worked his fingers to the bone raising her with love. Neither one of you are worth the air you breathe.

Now, after months of silence on this matter, why am I suddenly up in arms about it?

It all has to do with my Grandmother's family. My Grandmother is one of four children. We'll call them Grandma, Uncle C, Uncle D (his wife Aunt B) and Uncle J (his wife Aunt M).

Since this is mainly about how you treat your kids, we're going to take Uncle C out of the picture because he has no children and has never been married. That being said, here's the situation:

  1. My Grandmother has 4 children. She has only one daughter. She could care less if her daughter is part of her life. She would probably care less if she died.
  2. Aunt B has umpteen children. She has only one daughter. She could care less if her daughter is part of her life. Her daughter almost died of liver cancer and she never cared.
  3. Aunt M has three children. She has two daughters. She loves BOTH her daughters UNCONDITIONALLY. She would do anything in her power for her children.

Three women and only one of them gives a crap about her own daughters. So here's the real kicker. The one woman who cares about her children, loves them unconditionally, is about to lose one of them to cancer. HOW FUCKING FAIR IS THAT!!

No one deserves to lose their child. No one should have to suffer that loss. I'm not saying that I'd rather my Mother or my Aunt died. I'm just saying it isn't right that people who love their children lose them, while people who base thier lives on hurting their own kids never have to face such a loss.


Message to God: On the Commandments

1) Only an insecure God would be fearful that I might worship other Gods.

2) Only an insignificant God would feel threatened by meer words.

3) Only an egotistical God would demand 1/7th of my life be spent idly worshipping him.

4) Only an ignorant God would ask me to honor a man like my Father.

5) Only an ashamed God would view sex as a crime.

6) Only an unseeing God would justify materialism when people are starving.

7) Only an unhearing God would think the truth is always right. (Truth hurts)

8) Only an unrealistic God would think it a sin to wish for something.

9) Only a sexist God would distinguish sins by gender.


10) Only a hypocritical God would make it sinful for Man but not himself or in his name.

And in case this post inspires you to PRAY for MY SOUL, please keep this in mind:

If YOU are right and GOD is as you say, HE will either forgive me based upon MY thoughts and actions or HE won't. I would not change what I have done, said, or felt.

If MY MOTHER is right, and I have fallen short, then I will return to try again.

If DADDY DEAREST is right, then we simply die and decompose.

I DON'T NEED ANYONE WASTING TIME AND OXYGEN ON PRAYERS FOR MY SALVATION. I don't need prayer mats in my mailbox, ministers reading books, pamphlets in my doors, or comments reassuring me that God is with us. Give your time to your family. Give your time to your God. Give your time to those who truly need and want salvation. Leave me out of your tax-exempt, money making, world-controlling, mind-washing schemes!

Thank You!


Sunshine said...

If I could PLEASE have you write a scathing letter to a couple of MY relatives, I would totally appreciate it!

Anonymous said...

welcome back Sybil...missed you..

Love Mom mie