Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

One More Reason to Love Daddy Dearest!

Daddy went to get the mail yesterday.
He returns holding an opened bright pink envelope.

Daddy Dearest: "Are you in a good mood?"
Me: "Why?"
*hands me the card*
Me: "Aww shit!" *grumbles*

Envelope contains a baby shaped card stating:

"I know
your new baby girl
is going to do
some great things.
Heck, she's already
done one-
picked you two
as parents!

Scraggly left-handed writing reads:
Love ya much
Grandma & Grandpa (over)"

On the back:
"A package will follow after we go shopping. Will have the dresses I told you about & some other things I hope you can use. Would love to hear from you when you're ready.

Daddy Dearest's response...
"Should we drive by their house and drop it off on their front porch?"

God I love this man!!


Anonymous said...

There is nothing more to say other than.....

I love this guy..

Chris said...

Better yet, drop it off with a nice dirty diaper.