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Saturday, May 5, 2007

The Alphabet This Week

Ankles: Oh My God!! Sitting on the bed last night I realized my ankles have turned into ham hocks! The joys of late pregnancy swelling.

Baby: As of Monday, April 30th, Baby Ellie has no intentions of evacuating her current residence. She is greatly enjoying the misery of her Mommie.

Criminal: Due to a nasty individual who decided to stab two local residents, the local school was on lock-down Wednesday and had no school Thursday. Classes of course were forced to resume on Friday due to a track meet.

Dishes: Daddy Dearest and I partnered up and washed EVERY dish in the house last night. The whole process actually involved our bath tub, because it seemed like the quickest way to soak all the ickies off at once rather than having to wait for one load to soak at a time!

Ellie: Our darling child is active as ever. Mommie being sick has not phased her karate antics in the slightest. She is definately proving to be quite a handful already.

Faucet Filter: Tragedy struck in my kitchen when my Pur water filter sprunk a leak. I am now resorting to bottled water until Monday when we can replace the part. I absolutely hate tap water!

Grandparents: I think they're lying low right now. I find it absolutely hilarious that after a skiff of snow, they thought to call and make sure I wasn't snowed in (didn't bother to call and ask Mom & Cletus) but last night a killer tornado makes NATIONAL news and I hear nothing. Either, they realize I'm really mad at them or they finally learned how to use a MAP!

Hospital: As of last night our hospital bag was officially completed. All that is left to put in there is an outfit for me, some things for Daddy Dearest. At the last minute, all Daddy Dearest should have to do is pack up the laptop, camera, cellphones and pillows.

Intellect: Trying to combat my "brain sucking parasite" I've read 2.5 books in the past 2 weeks. I still feel a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

Juice: Seems like my Mother is terrorizing her neighbors and the local law enforcement (using that term lightly). Glad she's been keeping them all in line this week.

Kansas: The town of Greensburg, Kansas was literally wiped off the map last night by a killer tornado. There are currently 9 reported deaths and over 50 hospitalizations. Our hearts go out to those who have lost homes and loved ones to this tragedy.

Laundry: Wednesday night spurred a moment of ambition for me. I officially washed every item of clothing in my house. I also stripped, washed, Feebreezed, and remade the bed.

Marigolds: Right after the Easter freeze wore off, we planted a cute little row of marigold seeds along our front step. I am happy to say that despite my BLACK thumb, these hearty little plants have finally popped their heads out of the soil. Thinking it was about time to mow, I placed a bright orange ribbon along the edge of the plot to warn our maintenence man of their existance. While the orange ribbon did not survive todays mowing, it did alert him to the presence of my tiny plants and they managed to survive his hackjob.

Neighbors: Let's introduce the nearby residence. Neighbor #1 (a.k.a. Strange Pothead). This guy seems very shy. He's hardly spoke to us since he moved in. Yet somehow he mustered up the courage to come knock on my screen door yesterday to bum a cigarette. Since I've definately been there and I truly sympathize, I did give him a smoke, but I was not exactly the most sociable about it. Seriously, you barely say hello to me, but can come ask for a smoke? ODD! Neighbor #2 (a.k.a. Crackhead I Really Like). Okay, so I think she fried a few too many braincells in her life. I also think she has some poor parenting skills. However, as a person, she's just the sweetest thing. She gives us leftovers, invites us to BBQ's, brought her phone number over in case I need any help while Daddy Dearest is at work. I can't help but like her. And finally, Neighbor #3 (a.k.a. Either Has Parking Anxiety or just wants to piss me off). Nothing irritates me more than someone who cannot park. I'm not talking complicated parallel parking which is a challenge for even me (thus I avoid it), I'm talking just whip the car into a normal spot parking! Daddy Dearest and I live on the back side of our apartment building and are the only ones on the back North side who have a vehicle. Therefore, logically, we try to park our two cars at the farthest North end of our parking lot. Since our grey car is very rarely used, we park it in one spot, leaving just enough room to park the red car to the North of it. This leaves a perfect parking spot for Neighbor #3 to have immediate access to her sidewalk. However, it seems as if every time we move our red car, Neigbor #3 insists on parking in the far North spot we created. I assume she's either parking challenged and cannot park her minivan in the 40 acres provided by her sidewalk, or she's a bitch who wants to piss off a pregnant woman. (end rant)

Overdue: We are fast approaching that "Special Day" and still no sign of progress. Here's hoping we get some good news on Monday saying this child is getting ready to make her debute. You'd think with all my "purging" and coughing fits this week, the sheer force would have pushed her down. I keep waiting to cough and pop a kid out on the floor.

Picnic: Go figure! Our Annual Class Picnic was canceled do to school being canceled that day. It has been rescheduled for next week. So either I'll be even more miserably pregnant than I am now or I'll be in the hospital for it. Just my luck!

Quiet: That's what kind of week it's been around here. No work, no news, no calls, no nothing. It was very relaxing.

Repairs: This list of items that have broken for various reasons this week include the refrigerator, the TV, the faucet filter, and the sink drain. Yes, it has been quite a week. The metal support that holds the fridge door up broke off the bottom of the fridge. The plastic casing on our small television (slightly damaged months ago) finally cracked to such an extent that the back had to be completely removed. The faucet filter sprung a leak. And to top it all off, the kitchen drain popped off flooding the kitchen floor. I believe that during the next full moon we will simply lock ourselves in our room and refuse to touch anything.

Sick: Myself, Cletus and Chris have all spent the week sick. Oh the joys of vomit, sore throats, coughing up portions of your lungs, and general miserableness.

Television: Much to my enjoyment, this week we accidentally stumbled on cable channels we did not know we had. We are now privy to HBO, Showtime and The Movie Channel. Just the basics (none of the special package channels) but it was kinda neat to have some more recent movies on TV this week. Hopefully it's a perk of the new channel line-up that is costing us an extra $5 and not an error on the cable companies part.

Unconditional: Okay, so she's driving me crazy! She kicks! She's uncomfortable! She's made me fat! She's made me cranky! She's totally ruined my figure! And she hasn't even said she's sorry! But I love her!

Virgin: I SWEAR I AM ONE!!!

Work: Between doctor's appointments, two days of illness, and a psycho fugitive, I only had to go to work one day this week. While having a one-day work week was great for my total exhaustion, it has proved to be extremely boring.

eXhausted: Do I really need to say any more than that?

Yesterday: I fell madly in love with Daddy Dearest. Oh, wait! That happened a while ago. But you know what? I'm still madly in love with that man! Even when we bicker. Even when we argue. Even when we're so mad at each other we can't see straight. I still love him. And when it's all settled down, he never ceases to remind me how much he loves me too. When I'm feeling down, he kisses me and tells me how beautiful I am. When I'm feeling fat, he smiles and tells me I'm sexy. When I can't stand to look at my horrible stretch marks, he hugs me and tells me that they aren't that bad. At his very worst, he is the best. When I fall asleep, book in hand, he gently tucks me in and kisses me. When I tell him I feel bad for not helping with the housework, he reminds me that I picked up the laundry, cleaned off the coffee table, or took out the trash. He holds me and rubs my back and smothers me in a million kisses at just the right moment. Yes, we have a moments. We even have our days. We've been known to yell. We've said things we don't mean. We've gone whole days barely speaking. But in the end it always works out. (end sappy love story)

Zebras: Quick Fact - The stripes on a zebra are as unique as a human fingerprint. Scientist can use them to individually identify each animal. "Yes, officer! The suspect had a four-inch-long verticle stripe running at a 32-degree angle along its left flank..."


Anonymous said...

I read it, I'm drunk and I'm sure it will make sense tomorrow. But tonight I'm trying to drink for you and Chris and Flygirl and frankly I CAN'T SEE TOO WELL...I'LL READ IT TOMORROW.

Chris said...

Makes perfect sense to me.
V and Z cracked me up. Hope all is well and Miss Ellie is on her way into this world, or a tleast getting really close.