Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Frequently Asked Questions

If you actually read my IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS you will see that I'm looking to add a new section to my page. Of course, in order to do this,
I need YOU!!

So here's your chance to ask me anything that happens to be on your mind.

Wanna know how many times I shoot milk in my daughter's eye each day? Curious to know how many dirty diapers are sitting next to her changing area? Want to know how long it's been since I had a bath?

Ask away!!

How many hours of sleep did I get? What is on the front of my fridge? How many beer caps are stuck in my ceiling?

This is a no holds barred questioning session.

Of course, I do get to use my discretion in answering questions that may give too much information or potentially incriminate me. I can promise you 100% honesty, unless of course the sheer nature of the question calls for 100% sarcasm.

No matter what, it should definately be interesting.

So start asking!

Your Reward?
Obviously, the answer to your question. Hopefully, a good supply of humor. And on top of it all, I'll include you in the new blogroll (coming in the next day or so) just for taking time out of your busy day to comment.

So what are you waiting for?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well, this is a three part question. How many beer caps are stuck in your ceiling? Why are they stuck in the ceiling? And for God's sake how do you get them stuck in the ceiling?

I just sort of need to know if this is the latest in interior decorating. If it is I'm hoping wine cooler caps and Mike's lemonade caps will work or I will have to recruit the neighbors.

Thank you for taking time to educate me on interior design. I'm sort of handicapped in that area. Thanks MOM MIe