Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Friday, May 25, 2007

A Toast!

This is a toast to my regular visitors!!

  • Old Woman In a Shoe - Of course my Mother has to be first on the list. What kind of daughter would I be if I didn't give my Mom props for 1) learning the internet, 2) maintaining a blog, 3) being able to decorate her own blog site and 4) being the BEST MOM in the world!!
  • Mole - Even though she's busy being a member of the "real world" trying to overcome her tragic heritage as a REDNECK, she's still my favorite cousin and I have to give her tons of points for being totally AWESOME!!
  • Chris - I must commend Chris for the simple fact that she VOLUNTARILY joined our happy little disfunctional family and seems to be thriving in an otherwise hostile environment. Plus, she's just generally cool and funny!
  • Sunshine - The lovely Prom hostess comes by regularly to be disappointed by my total lack of time to post these days. Thank you for continuing to check in. I promise, things will get back to their normal chaotic routine soon!
  • TJ - Stumbled on here when I posted about a mailing scam and just kinda stuck around. Glad you keep returning now and then.
  • Autumn's Mom - Not a repeat visitor, but I commend anyone who takes the time to comment on my posts.
  • Tink - What can I say? I love reading the tales of Tink, but I've been so busy these days. Still, Tink stops by occasionally to see how things are around here. Thanks!
  • Mighty Dyckerson - It's the big Dyck! Aside from his vomit-inspiring infatuation with my cousin, Mole, his sick sense of humor makes me chuckle from time to time.
  • Corky - Fellow first time parent and aspiring WORLD DICTATOR!!
And a few unidentifiable individuals (leave me a comment so I know who you are!!!):
  • Maxonline (StarHub Cable Vision) - My most frequent anonymous "stalker"
  • Union County College (Cranford, NJ) - Good to know I'm spreading my wisdom to higher education.
  • Lincoln, NE (State of Nebraska, Department of Communications) - Your communication skills suck! Introduce yourself!!
Other unknown visitors from:
  • Arlington, TX
  • Clayton, NC
    Cheyenne, WY
  • and Various unknown locations.


Chris said...

We toast you back sweetie. Kiss the gorgeous ellie for me, and be good to you. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

WELCOME BACK SMUDGE:: I toast any daughter that gives me the most precious gift in the world for Mother's Day. Once again, thank you and kiss her for me..

loves from the
of the year

It's me, T.J. said...

I've enjoyed stopping by!

You have an entertaining blog!


Sunshine said...

I'm only here because I like to sniff new babies.