Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Friday, April 6, 2007

A Brief Recap of 2005

We may be Redneck! We may do crazy things that will traumatize our children for the rest of our lives! We might even be the laughing stock of the whole community! However, when we set our minds to doing something, WE DO IT RIGHT!

We always make sure to include every member of the family in our escapades! Our pets are no exception! Our canine friends travel in style!

Redneck Pet Carrier

We take our drinking very seriously! And once again, if we set out to do something . . . WE DO IT RIGHT!! While some may see this as a dangerous fire hazard (especially around young children) we see it as a hands on learning experience! "Oh honey, fire is HOT! . . . told you so!" Please keep in mind that half of the local fire department and EMTs are usually present at this gathering. Clearly we have the best emergency care in the country! They're so good, we trust them to save our lives even when they're three sheets to the wind!
Redneck Fire Pit
As I said before, we are always sure to include our canine companions in our adventures!
It's Been a Long Weekend!
When you put this many drunk Rednecks together in one place in the heat of June, you best have some way to cool them off (or sober them up when required)!
Redneck Swimming Pool
And after a weekend like this, you can bet there will be some lasting mementos (not to mention scars).
Redneck Suncatcher
Thus ends the 2005 Redneck Campout! Injuries were kept to a minimum, fatalities were quickly covered up, evidence was disposed of, local authorities recieved well deserved raises, and everyone left with a few less brain cells than they arrived with.
Happy Camping!!

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