Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

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If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

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If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

In Pursuit of BOREDOM!

As I yet remain congested, and over-all feel like crap, I am continuing my boycot of all things funny for yet another day.

So in a desperate search for boring blog material, I have searched Myspace message boards for stupid pointless crap! To no surprise, I found plenty of it, and will now bore the hell out of you with my mindless dribble.

Let the pointless droning begin:

Where were you 3 hours ago?
I was asleep under my covers practicing my newest "lose weight quick" scheme of sweating out a cold.

Who are you in love with?
Well Daddy Dearest of course!

Have you ever eaten a crayon?
Eaten a what? You're kidding right? No! To my knowledge I have never had the urge to chew on, let alone actually swallow, an artificially colored stick of wax!

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Hmm... A spray can of lysol, an ink pen, a cigarette lighter, and an old journal.

When was the last time you went to the mall?
March 30th. I slipped in the back door of Sears to pick up a Smile Saver card at 50% off, and then I quickly slipped back out to my car and came home. Have you seen the mallrats these days? They're some scary people!

Are you wearing socks right now?
Ha! Nope. You're lucky I have underwear and a shirt on!

Do you have a car worth over $2000?
No, but the baby does! And Daddy Dearest does! I don't mind though, I've stolen the baby's car for the next umpteen years anyway!

When was the last time you drove out of town?
Last Tuesday we drove out to look at a house we want to buy.

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
No, the last movie we saw in the theater was Premonition

Are you hot?
Currently, no... give me a few minutes, I'll have a hot-flash!

What was the last thing you drank?
A glass of milk.

What are you wearing right now?
A grey, long-sleeved, night shirt and underwear! They're WHITE if you must know!

Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I let Daddy Dearest do it.

Last food you ate?
Cheese and crackers... but a bagel is looming in the near future.

Where were you last week at this time?
Probably right here. Sundays are pretty dull for me.

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
No, the last thing I bought was some bandanas a few weeks ago.

When was the last time you ran?
Pregnant chicks don't RUN!! They don't remember when they last RAN!! They don't think they've ever RAN in their entire lives!!

What's the last sporting event you watched?
Part of a NASCAR race on April 15th while we were visiting family.

What is your favorite animal?

Your dream vacation?
A Carribbean Spa Resort!

Last person's house you were in?
Besides my own? We were in a strangers house last week looking to buy it. Before that, I'd guess Daddy Dearest's brother's house.

Worst injury you've ever had?
Probably cracking my head open when I was 7.

Have you been in love?
Several times

Do you miss anyone right now?
Of course I do. I always miss people when they aren't around, and since a lot of people aren't around very often, I miss a lot of people often.

Last play you saw?
Oooh... probably "The Importance of Being Earnest" in 1998 at the outdoor ampitheater in Spring Green, Wisconsin.

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I never was one to go "fishing" for a man.

What are your plans for tonight?
Sleep, Internet, Television, Sleep, Medicine, Bath, Sleep, Wash the sick-germs off the sheets if I decide I'm really feeling better, and Sleep MORE.

Who is the last person you sent a message to on Myspace?
My baby sister, wishing her a happy birthday!

Next trip you are going to take?
Well there's a doctor's appointment tomorrow. A baby due soon. But those are just a trip into town. I guess the next "actual trip" will be to Nebraska to visit my Crazy family (at least those I'm speaking to at the time!)

Ever go to camp?
Yep. 4-H camp a couple of times. An electrical camp (not as boring as it sounds). An academic camp (again, not boring at all). And then I was a 4-H camp counselor.

Were you an Honor Roll Student?

What do you know about the future?
Everything will be OKAY!!

What do you want to know about the future?
How much longer I have to carry this wrecking ball around on my stomach?

Are you wearing any perfume right now?
HAHA!! No! I've been sick! I probably smell like YARD ASS!!

Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
Matter of fact I've got one scheduled tomorrow. If I don't kick this cold before morning, I'll have two scheduled tomorrow.

Where is your best friend?
Which one? One's doing yard work & watching bulls, one's at work, and the other is probably "trolling"

How is your best friend?
Between a "rigged" NASCAR race and problems with a "mechanic" I'd guess their all in pretty crappy moods.

Do you have a tan?
LMAO... My natural skin color verges on transparent. Now figure that I'm pregnant and Mother Nature has not decided if it's Spring or Winter yet. What exactly is a tan?

What are you listening to right now?
The water in the aquarium, the clickity clack on keyboard keys, and the voices in my own head.

Do you collect anything?
FROGS!! And junk!! Old bottles!! More Junk!! And dust bunnies!

Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
My grandmother!

Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
Me personally? It's been a long time. I'm a very careful driver because I figure I'm WAY over due for a ticket of some sort.

Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Why yes! Everytime I go through the drive-thru.

What does your last text message say?
"Hey sweetie, can't talk bc Ive got a nasty cold, but want 2 wish U a fabulous HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Love U bunches & tons. Stay out of trouble, Im 2 fat 2 bail U out." Sent it to my baby sis a few hours ago.

Do you like hot sauce?
I like mild sauce. I prefer not to have flames shoot out of my mouth, but I can handle some "heat" depending on what I'm eating it with.

Last time you took a shower?
Do you realize how much energy it takes to stand up and bathe all these extra inches? I haven't taken an actual shower in months. But I took a bath Friday night, and I'll take another one tonight once Daddy Dearest gets home to help me out of the tub.

Do you need to do laundry?
How did you know? Are you spying on me? There are clothes to wash and bedding to wash and here I am with a cold. It'll get done tonight or tomorrow.

What is your heritage?
English-Irish-German-Scottish-Swedish... aka Heinz 47... oh, there may be some Cocker Spaniel in there if you check my biological father's family tree closely enough.

Are you someone's best friend?
I sure hope so.

Are you rich?
HAHAHAHAHA! Sure! I'm vacationing on my yacht in the Carribean as I type this!

What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was popping some cold medicine, checking my email one last time, and curling up on the couch to wait for Daddy Dearest to get home from work.

Okay, you can WAKE UP now! I'm finally done. I know! You were sick of the mindless dribble ages ago. But you know what? I don't care! That's what you get when I get sick! WHY? Because I'm a big, fat, miserable, sicky and I want to WHINE about it! Why? Because I hate being sick! I hate everything about sickness! I hate it! And I'm a big, fat, miserable, sicky, WIMP about it!! So, DEAL WITH IT!!

Have I mentioned I have a hangnail that hurts, I ran over my toe with the chair, my sinuses could put Niagra falls to shame, the baby has her big toe in my spleen, and the doctor is going to check my "tonsils" tomorrow?

That's right! I'm whining! You're tired of it! I DON'T CARE!! Go sit on your porch and sniff your yard ass, have a Mike's hard lemonade, and shoot a sheep or something!!

I'm going to sit here in my own miserable (have I mentioned FAT?) self-pity and POUT!!



*rubs snotty Kleenex on post*

HAHA!! See how you like it! I have officially CONTAMINATED you!!



Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you are sooooo sick but I'm sure glad it's daddy dearest job to take care of you. You are such a whimpy ass when you are sick. But, unless you glow in the dark, you aren't as sick as the night Dad and I found you laying on the livingroom floor. That's THE ONLY TIME I ever called the neighbor out of bed to find out what to do...

I can say that truly scared me. I never saw anyone with a high enough fever to glow in the dark, until that night....I think that's the reason I became an EMT. So I'd know what to do.. love mom mie

Mighty Dyckerson said...

You cracked your head open when you were 7 years old?? Me too!!! But I turned out just fine.

Look! A flying monkey!