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Friday, April 6, 2007

Oh the Horrors!

At first glance this may appear to be the remains of a seemingly harmless night of drinking. Your initial impression may simply be concern over the number of beer bottles that were cruelly sacraficed the night before. After a little thought, you may even have some concern about the individuals who were present at this gathering and whether or not Emergency Services had to be contacted to treat alcohol-poisoning or severe burns.

However, upon further investigation you would be horrified to learn the true nature of the brutal and gruesome nature of the previous night.

WARNING: The following photographs contain scenes of graphic nature that may be disturbing to some viewers.

This was the scene when investigators arrived the following morning. Apparently, a neighbor called in a complaint (after he sobered up) relating some sketchy details as to the horrindous nature of the party the previous night.

Investigators found naked barbies passed out in various compromised poses. Eye-witness testimony was found to be very hazy the following morning, but investigators believe that high contents of alcohol (and possibly other substances) were involved in the incident.

This particular victim was found to have suffered only minor burns to her toes. She confessed to police that a short plastic man had enticed her near the flames with his wild hair and creepy smile. She was immediately placed in the Barbie-protection-program for her own protection.

Film developed from an eye-witness camera, proved to be key evidence in sorting out the details of the night before. Apparently, the Alpha-Barbie (as prosecuters are referring to her) had joined forces with the mysterious plastic man and was forcing the innocent Barbies to participate in dangerous Pagan rituals.

These tragic victims had been subjected to humiliating acts of torment after being heavily sedated by the numerous fumes permeating from the emptied alcohol bottles. This is clearly evident in this photo of a ephoric Barbie. She is clearly unaware of the dangerous nature of these acts and just how near to the flames of the fire she actually is.

Another Barbie, found unconscious the following morning, suffered only minor damage to her hair but had no recollection of the incident that took place.

Further investigations discovered the body of the "Plastic Man" several yards from the actual fire pit. The man, who was later described as "The Troll" was pronounced dead on the scene. An autopsy later revealed that the "Troll" had died of complications brought on by Naked-Barbie-Overdose combined with high levels of alcohol consumption.

The greatest tragedy of the evening was yet to be discovered. Here, amidst the ashen remains of the fire and the beer bottle perimeter, investigators were horrified at what they found. All that remained of this Barbie victim was a single, half-melted leg. Further interogation of witnesses revealed that this victim's hair had caught on fire while she sat passed out against these bottles. By the time party-goers noticed, it was already too late to rescue the Barbie.

Eye-witness accounts also indicated that one Barbie actually leapt into the flames at some point during the night. Investigators sifted through the ashen remains but were unable to retrieve any tangible evidence.

Alpha-Barbie is currently being held in a top-secret holding facility. She is being charged with many sordid crimes which include unjustifiable homocide of a plastic being. It is also rumored that Mattel will be considering charges of defamatory actions against their company. A spokesman for Mattel refused to comment on the actual charges, but did indicated that this Alpha-Barbie had seriously misrepresented their product and that their attorneys were currently investingating the seriousness of her actions.

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