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If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

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If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Monday, April 2, 2007

So... I figure I'll introduce a few "key" members in my life. Keep in mind that some of these individuals are WAY more important than others. With every good thing in life, there has to be some crap you have to trip over from time to time. Listing them here doesn't really make them special, it just means they won't choke on their own tongues and die horrible, agonizing deaths.

Me - Yep, I'm the Mommie! A 27-year-old crazy pregnant chick who doesn't always think straight!

Baby Ellie - This little bundle of joy (a.k.a. evil spawn) that I've been carrying around like a giant basketball for the past 8 months. Her Daddy & I are absolutely thrilled and can't wait to meet her in May!

Daddy Dearest - My partner in "sin" and a fabulous man who tolerates way more than any man should have to. Though he has moments when his brain completely slips, we must credit him for the hormones (both pregnancy & normal) he puts up with from me.

Grandpa Cletus - My mother's partner in "sin" (a.k.a. Dad or Sick Bastard!) For a sick old fart he's a pretty decent guy. That doesn't mean that Mom & I can't harass the shit out of him and vent about his stubborn old ways from time to time. It took Mom a while, but she finally found a keeper.

Granny Goddess - My blogger mother. The only one I've got. She tried to find me new Mommies because I complained so much, but it seems that no one else was willing to put up with my shit! So I guess we're stuck with each other. That's okay though, we make a pretty good pair (as long as there's an escape hatch in the room!)

DNA Provider - (a.k.a. Sperm Donor, Worthless POS, etc.) So a little over 27 years ago, my Mother picked out a fabulous genetic provider for her future child (Me!). However, it was no big surprise when he turned out to be a worthless father. We still keep him around for an extra paycheck from time to time and the fact that he's spawned (or adopted) six of my siblings. Other than that, we could really care less about him.

Cousin Mole - Blogger Mole is actually new. Well, she's not new, but the name is. It just sort of stuck though. Anyway, this is my partner in crime through most of my childhood. Basically because we both spent our early years being raised by one parent and we both terrorized our grandparents at every possible opportunity. So Mole and I are close. It's scary though because no matter how hard the two of us try to overcome the short-comings of our family tree, we still seem to find that we think a lot alike. There is no doubt we are related (despite our best efforts).

Hagatha - This is the name that has been given to the ever present "bitch-aspect" of my Grandmother. Yes, the woman has an occasional moment when she is close to human, but Hagatha is the prevailing influence. We all love her, but sometimes we really can't stand her!

Worthless Ex - I truely dread giving this waste of oxygen space on my site, but considering he just won't die, I really have no choice. This is the Prince of Idiots which I mistakenly married prior to learning about his royal heritage! We are all glad to be rid of him, but sadly, he still surfaces from time to time in the form of some rant about how he still manages to mess up my life.

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