Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

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If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Today was brought to you by the letter F!

Have I mentioned I hate Mondays? Seriously, who the hell decided that Monday was so great? And who's bright idea was it to schedule all of my prenatal visits on MONDAYS? Seriously, what kind of shit is this?

Think I'm over-reacting? FINE! You like Mondays so much? You try starting your week out by having some jolly cheerful doctor check your tonsils via your nether regions!! Yeah! See how much you like Mondays then!!


That being said, here's today's spectacular chain of events.

  • Sleep in on my day off!
  • Wake Daddy Dearest up for appointment.
  • Make DD laugh all the way to town because "I can't feel the wind, turn on the AC!" We drove all the way there with the windows down and the AC on because "I can't feel the wind!"
  • --------
  • Nether-region tonsilectomy
  • More epidural comments
  • Baby & Mommie are both perfectly healthy
  • Almost 38 weeks and no progress
  • Doc is still optomistic but exact words were, "Now we just play it week to week. Not looking very promising right now. HAVE SEX!"
  • Cuss obstinant unborn daughter for being too damn comfortable! GET OUT OF ME!!
  • --------
  • Waddle through Dollar Tree finding none of the things I went there to buy.
  • Find one of the items on the front wall AFTER I've already paid for my junk.
  • Glare at items and decided it just isn't worth it.
  • --------
  • Go to eat at Long John Silver's. Heart set on fish sandwich.
  • Find that LJS is no longer there due to construction. No clue where it went!
  • Settle for cheap-ass fish sandwich from the piss-colored arches!
  • --------
  • Get home, call realtor, schedule time to view a house, get address.
  • Decide to go check out house in advance
  • Driving down road (windows down & AC going)
  • DD slows down and sticks head out window to check tire (I haven't mentioned how paranoid he is about vehicles)
  • Laugh hysterically at DD when his hat instantly blows off and lands in the middle of the road behind us. (Guess he couldn't feel the wind either!)
  • Go back to pick up hat
  • Go check out house. It's fabulous, in the country, five acres, and we can afford it. Something will definately go wrong with the loan application process!
  • --------
  • Check out nearby road to see where it goes.
  • Discover large tree down across entire road (I'm a "country girl" and I must say this is a first for me. The tree was blocking the whole damn road. AND the road was paved. Okay, so it was "lightly" paved, but still!)
  • Come back home to fill out loan paperwork.
  • --------
  • Discover while we were gone "Parking-Challenged" has placed their vehicle smack dab between two parked cars. Said vehicle is strategically placed to prevent anyone from parking on either side of it.
  • Park red car along tree line (not parking area)
  • Move grey car closer to Parking-Challenged vehicle.
  • Move red car beside grey car.
  • Cuss continuously throughout whole process.
  • --------
  • Fill out loan papers.
  • Find all necessary documents.
  • Spend a moment admiring my "skills" at writing my divorce decree and settlement.
  • Call boss and ask for tomorrow off to view house and meet with loan department.
  • --------
  • Clean closet.
  • Daddy Dearest (holding stuffed animals that go in closet): "Let's play catch!"
  • Me (not ready to put stuffed animals in closet): "No, I'm not ready for them!"
  • Daddy Dearest (grinning): "Okay, then we'll play dodgeball!" (proceeds to pelt me with stuffed pink pig and 50 squishy frogs)
  • --------
  • Reorganize baby furniture.
  • Cuss because apartment is too small for all our shit and a baby!
  • --------
  • Pig out on stir-fry.
  • --------
  • Write pointless blog about day's events.
  • --------
  • Go to bed thankful that MONDAY IS OVER!!!

So I wasn't online yesterday because I was sleepy. I wasn't on today because I HATE MONDAYS!! And I probably won't be on tomorrow because I'll still be recovering from Monday (a good "fix" of HOUSE might help!). Guess I'll talk to you all on Wednesday!

Much love and HAPPY BLOGGING!!

Oh yeah, just to make me feel better . . .



Kim said...

Sounds great to me

Anonymous said...


Chris said...

And I'm still not through with "H".

rather like Monday's because that is when Hubby goes to work, and my children go to school...ahhh sweet me time after a week-end with the seemingly no-fucking-end.

See you Wednesday honey.