Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.


If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Alphabet Game

This post was brought to you by the letter "K"

Karate kid kangaroo kicks K's knotting kidneys
Kitchen karma keeping know-nothing K klutzy
Kindhearted knight kisses kooky K

Killjoy kin kindles knockdown
King knucklehead keeps kingdom's keepsakes
Knowledgeable kid kindly keeps key knick-knacks
King's knife kills kind kid's karma
King's kickback knits kneedeep kinked knowledge
K's keen knowhow killed kindred kindness

Kamikaze Koran killers
Keen kleptomaniac kaiser kidnaps kittens

Keyboard keystroke kaput

K's Kooky Keepsakes (just for KICKS!)

  • 1-kilogram Kumquat Keg
  • 1 Koala Kennel
  • 1 Knitted Kilt Kit
  • 1 Kooky kaliedoscope kazoo
  • Kosher Ketchup Kelp & Kiwi Keilbasa Kabobs
  • 10-karat krypton
  • 1 Kayak keel kickstand
  • Kinesiology for Kindergarten
  • 1-kiloliter kneecap kettle
  • 2 Khaki karate kerchiefs
  • Klutzy kitchenware kite
  • Knightly kickboxing knickers
  • 1 Kerosene keeping knapsack
  • 1 Kitty-killing knocker
  • 1 Keno kiosk
  • 15 Kneaded kale kernels
  • 4 Kangaroo knees
  • 2 Kestrel knuckles
  • Kickoff Knighthood

Just so you know... that was KRAZY!!!