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Saturday, April 28, 2007

Haha... very funny! Now take it back DAMNIT!!

Dear Higher Power With a Sick Sense of Humor:

Okay, I must admit I had to laugh when you decided to bless us with this child. The incredible irony of the situation was completely hilarious. I've had many laughs over the fact that my ex was unable to achieve this feat in three years of marriage, while Daddy Dearest managed it in less than a year. I must admit, waiting until we started our birth control pills only added to the hilarity.

Always being one to laugh in the face of the unexpected, I found further humor in the fact that Daddy Dearest's family is entirely Catholic and we have no intentions of marriage in the near future.

Normally, I am the first to commend you on your sense of humor. Back to back cases of strep throat, while unpleasant, baffled the doctors and therefor made me laugh.

I've even reached a point where I can laugh at the inappropriate timing when it comes to my family's "disfunctional" falling out.

I must confess though, that I have finally lost all patience with you and DO NOT find your latest joke to be in the least bit funny.

Oh yes, I'm a hilarious person made even more hilarious by the giant wrecking ball that protrudes from my abdomen and makes me waddle like a penguin everywhere I go. It is absolutely hysterical that I can no longer get out of the bath tub on my own, let alone bathe and shave various parts of my enlarged form. You're more than entitled to laugh at my current state of exhaustion and the fact that you've made it clear to this child that she does not need to make preparations to evacuate her current residence in the near future. I have no problem being the brunt of these ridiculous jokes.

HOWEVER,

I do not think it is in any way humorous that you decided to bless me with a full blown head cold, complete with nasty sinus drainage, headaches, hot-flashes, and sleepiness at this point in the pregnancy! Was it really necessary to INCREASE my state of discomfort and misery? Were you not laughing hard enough as I try to rolly polly my way out of bed each morning? Was it not humorous enough for you to just sit back and watch me try to put socks on?

YOU ARE A SICK INDIVIDUAL!!

So you've had your laugh. One last DIG at my overly miserable expense! I now DEMAND that you TAKE IT BACK!!

Until you decide that the ninth month of pregnancy is sufficient laughter for you, I will be boycotting your existance. There will be no more late-night seances, no more sacrificing of goats, no further spreading of your sick but humorous gospel! I am through doing your evil bidding until such time that you see to relieve me of this unnecessary cold.

NOT SO FUNNY NOW IS IT?

And furthermore, I will demand that all who love me also restrain from serving your horrible whims. There will be no more shooting of sheep, no more burying children in shallow graves, no more laughing at the expense of trolls, and no making fun of life's minor inconveniences. Until I am in a more healthy state of non-congestion, I demand that Blogland become BORING!!

Anyone who insists on posting something that will amuse your sick sense of humor will have to answer to my sick state of mind. My wrath will be unbearable. I will travel Blogland sneezing on everyone's sites. I will refuse to use Kleenex when posting comments. I will not wash my hands before I type. I will spread your nasty headcold all over Blogland to any and all who worship your humor.

Maybe if all of the bloggers are sick and can no longer feed your cruel amusement, you will see fit to relieve me of my illness and allow me to enjoy the remaining misery of pregnancy congestion free!

Totally not amused & seeking revenge,
Ellies Mommie

2 comments:

Ramblings from an Old Woman that lived in a shoe. said...

10-4 little buddy boring it shall be.. let me know when you are better. love mom mie

Chris said...

boring...got it...and not laughing
Feel better EM. *hugs*