Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Monday, April 2, 2007

  • I have 27 years of insanity under my belt
  • I like most animals better than most people
  • Daddy Dearest & I live together in "sin"
  • We're expecting our first "love-child" in May
  • She already has her own car, but I'm borrowing it!
  • My DNA provider is the scum of the Earth
  • I adore both of my parents
  • I'm still just a country-girl at heart
  • That doesn't keep me from rocking out!
  • I have a long fuse, but a nuclear temper!
  • I can read something 15 times and still miss my typos
  • I totally abuse the word "that"
  • My English teachers would be so ashamed
  • I'm very crafty, put I seldom finish projects
  • I suffer from kitchenphobiaitis!
  • Crowded places make me nervous
  • I'm terrified of dentists
  • I'm horribly indecisive on most things
  • I love the outdoors, but hate bugs and weather
  • I kill houseplants if I look at them
  • Some people think I'm strange
  • I don't keep secrets about myself
  • I got my mother and cousin addicted to blogging
  • I have a sock fetish
  • I love fresh flowers of all sorts
  • I'm an only child
  • BUT
  • I have 3 half-sisters, 2 half-brothers, 1 adopted half-brother
  • 1 not-really-foster-sister
  • 1 step-brother & 3 ex-step-siblings
  • 2 not-quite-step-brothers
  • 2 ex-brother-in-laws
  • 1 not-really-brother-in-law & 1 not-really-sister-in-law
  • AND
  • several "adopted" stray siblings
  • I can sing, but I can't dance
  • I'm extremely shy, but I talk too much
  • I thrive on sarcasm
  • I despise drama
  • I make compulsive lists about nothing

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