Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Brought to you by the letter "B"

This is 100% my mother's fault! She has challenged an alphabetical blog. She began with the letter "a" and I (being the show off I am!) have accepted the letter "b". Feel free to check out her rules and take the next letter.

Ballistic broad blasting bleating baabaas.
Borrows booze, buys bullets, but balances boredom.

Babbling baroness balms baby belly butter.
Birthright barely bearable but brilliantly beautiful blessing.

Blissful bitches begin belligerently beating badly behaved bastard brats.
Believe both belong behind bars but best befriend batty businesswomen.
Bothered but blending bubbly bourbon beverages brightens body.

Baby brain blogged B’s but believes beginning blogger be big bad butthead.


Randomness said...

I guess I got C. Wish me luck.

Anonymous said...

Very good. I think you out did me you little show off. If I get stuck with d... it will not be pretty. You better hope Chris saves your ass on this one..

Chris said...

aww fuck! That means that I'm left with the letter D. Well DAMN!
This might take a while.

Good "B" by the way..

Ellie's Mommie said...

Randomness: Looks like you did pretty good with C

Old Woman: *sticks tongue out* neener neener neener!

Chris: Good luck with the "D". Don't forget dickwad, disaster, dildo, dumbass, and dirty diapers!!