Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Monday, April 2, 2007

Okay, so since I can't really tell you which posts are the most popular, this is actually a list of my personal favorites. If more people would leave comments on posts they enjoy, I'd be able to do the "popular" thing. But since my readers seem to be pretty shy, I'll just have to pick what I like!

A rambling about how hard it is to sort through your family tree when it has become more of a "hedge".
I short explanation about how hard it is for me to spell a certain word.
Okay, so I'm not really a church-goer, so if you're easily offended on that matter, you might want to avoid this one!
Rich people spoil the sh!t out of their kids. It's simply unbelievable and I am so jealous!
And you wonder why I don't move back home!
Adventures of a rancher's daughter!
This is the creepiest thing I've ever seen.
The "tragic" tale of my DNA provider and how hard life has been on him.
Six products to indulge the ridiculously obsessive (or oblivious) mothers.
A humorous story about a sad little coyote that continues to make me giggle.
Pretty self-explanitory. (Inspired by Karla)
Daddy Dearest had an awesome idea for a bra commercial.
Yeah, the StayFree commercial really freaked me out. Give me something realistic please!
What I learned in our birthing classes can pretty much be summed up with the title of this one!

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