Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Friday, February 23, 2007

While We're Talking About Commercials

Here's a great commercial idea from the ramblings of Daddy Dearest (after watching me skillfully remove my bra after work, while remaining fully dressed):

Woman walking out of a business meeting removes her bra under her shirt & tosses it in the secretary's wastebasket.

Woman sitting in a fine restaurant removes her bra from under her shirt & tosses it on the dirty stack of dishes.

Woman in a movie theater removes her bra from under her shirt & tosses it in the row behind her.

Four women get off work and begin drive home. All remove their bras under their shirts and toss them out the window on the freeway.

Scenes of abandoned bras in various odd places (i.e. the elevator, hanging on a gas pump, a park bench, etc.)

One woman undressing that evening before bed and still wearing her bra.

Commentary, "Finally, a bra that really CAN give you 18 full hours of comfort!"

Now tell me that almost every woman in America can't relate to that!

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