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And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Amazing Never-Ending Ex-Husband!

So, for all of you out there who think that getting married is a cool and trendy thing to do. I'm going to put my two cents in on the subject (and let off some built up steam in the process!)

Quick backstory: So a few years back, I met this guy. Just some random albino I picked up at a motel (FIRST WARNING SIGN!) He seemed nice enough, but what the hell did I know? So after about six months of dating we decided we should get married (what can I say, the sex was good so I figured I could handle it! - sorry too much?) Anyway, we get engaged and his mother turned into the bitch from hell (SECOND WARNING SIGN!) But I had these delusions of marriage and figured I could handle anything that his Mom had to dish out. So my family bit their tongues and allowed me to marry this idiot. The wedding, while beautiful, was a social disaster (THIRD WARNING SIGN!) After three years of marriage I decided that he drank too much, spent too much, stayed out too much, and was generally useless to me. So I moved on.

Now for the good news.

Since leaving his sorry ass, I've managed to pay off all my debts (Note: I wrote our divorce decree because he was too cheap to hire a lawyer so I made sure he got stuck with all the debts he'd ran up!) I also learned that two people can live in the same house without wanting to kill each other all the time, bills can be paid on time if both parties do their share, and not all men think it's okay to stay out until morning partying with their friends.

For the most part, I've done a pretty good job of moving on with my life and eliminating him and his mistakes from mine!

I was mistaken!

You see (a little more back story) in 2005 my (ex) husband renewed the tags on our vehicles. No big deal right? WRONG! I later learned (when the cop was knocking on our door) that he'd bounced the check and didn't bother to fix the problem!! (who ignors a bounced check to the COUNTY!!) Anyway, no biggie, he took care of it, and I had bigger money problems to worry about at the time.

Last year (in the middle of our divorce) I took his name off my vehicle, renewed my tags and proceeded on as if he didn't exist.

However, this year when I went to renew my tags online, it wouldn't let me pull up the info on my old car. Over the phone a lady told me it must have been an error on the State's part & I'd just have to come in person to handle it. No biggie, I can do that!

Today, I went to pay my tags in person. While there, I find out EXACTLY why I couldn't file online. It seems that since I married an IDIOT, I'm now on a "no check list". I'll have to pay my tags IN CASH for the next four or so years!! (Good thing I'd planned on paying cash anyway or I'd have been SOL today!) I tried to make light of it to the clerk (it's not her fault I married an ASSHOLE!)

But the more I thought about it, the madder I got. Why? Because the bad check isn't associated with his NAME, it's associated with the vehicles that were registered! Which means that he (Mr. I don't care if I can afford it, I'm getting a new truck) can pay his tags with a check or online or by mail or by phone. But since I'm still driving the same good ol' car I had when I married him, I (Mrs. Doesn't write a check without calling my bank before & after) CANNOT!!

That sort of BURNS me!

Anyway, the moral of the story is...
...$15 marriage licence
...several hours of typing divorce decree (est. value $400+)
...$111 court costs
...$3 in gas to pay CASH for tag renewal
...Knowing that his BOYS can't swim? PRICELESS!!!

If you're thinking about marrying someone, take a step back (SOBER UP!!) spend 3 months in Uganda, purposely smash your pinky with a hammer, volunteer for a colonoscopy and then decide if it's really worth it.


Randomness said...

Thank you for that...I have laughed off all the calories that I am consuming due to this yummy soup. I loved it and the "priceless" at the end...took the cake...or pie...whichever you prefer.

Anonymous said...

Yea, when you were married to ass wipe meachelle, had nothing nice to say about him.

When she saw a picture of daddy dearest, she emailed me to ask who the little hottie was and where you found him.

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