Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

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If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

People Scare the Sh!t Out of Me!

This site makes me feel so much better about my family and the people that I know. All these years I've thought I grew up in a really messed up family. Come to find out, there are people way more f#cked up than US!!

  • Awe... look... what a sweet little doggy on the front step staring out at the pond.
  • Oh, look at the innocent kitty daydreaming about catnip and balls of string
  • Okay, so lizards aren't all that cute and cuddly, but some people like to keep them around for pets.
  • And the guinea pig just out enjoying a casual day in the garden
  • And this good ol' boy, lounging on the porch like any devoted dog.

So what could possibly make me think that these pet's owners are the creepiest, freakiest, most insane individuals on earth?

It's really quite simple. All these pets are DEAD!! That's right! DEAD!! Kicked the bucket! Gone to the Pet Shop in the Sky! No longer of MORTAL being! They are DEAD!! And their loving (aka. chemically unstable) owners had them stuffed!! Correction! FREEZE DRIED!!

Thank you Pet Preservation for officially creeping me out!!


Randomness said...

Holy shit...no fuckin way!!! AAAAWWWWWWWWW, bury them and get a new one...that is creapy. Thanx to this...I now believe I am normal. Who does that? Do they think it is cool? I mean, big game and wild animals that you shoot on your front porch are one thing...but this, this is insane. Someone needs to get them help. Hmmm, I won't what will happen when their grandma kicks the can...will she be laying on the floor petting the dog??? Think about it.

Tink said...

Get out! They look so... alive. It is not OK to stuff pets. Dead is dead people. And do you really want the last memory of Fido to be the day you took him to the dump because his ears were chipping off? Bleh.