Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Random Conversations

Daddy: Night Mrs. Cold Ass
Me: Mrs. what?
Daddy: Cold Ass
Me: Why?
Daddy: Because your butt cheek is cold
Me: Yours is warm? No fair!
Daddy: Well maybe if you wore clothes, your ass wouldn't be so cold!
*looks at him funny*
Daddy: And maybe if your underwear covered your cheeks they wouldn't be so cold!
*shrugs and rolls over*
Daddy: Goodnight dear
Me: Nighty nite

Daddy: Show Travis how big your belly is.
*stands up to be presented like a prize hog*
Travis: Damn! That's awesome!
Daddy: *rubs belly* Yeah!
*returns to chair*
Daddy: This month she's supposed to get really fat!
Travis: It's not fat! You asshole!
Daddy: Well, actually...
Me: In his defense, it's fat. No way we're having a twenty pound baby!
Travis: yeah, but there's water and all that
*I have a feeling that Daddy's friend is trying to get him in trouble*

That was pretty much the extent of my humor today... it's been a dull day... no one really managed to make me laugh and frankly that is sad since it's so very easy to do.

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