Frankly...
We've been married a year! You just weren't invited!!
Okay, here’s something I just don’t understand about our society. I don’t understand why it is that when people find out that an unmarried couple is pregnant, the first question that pops into their mind is, “Well, are you going to get married?”
So, upon further thought I can understand how this might pop into one’s mind, it’s only human nature to wonder these things. However, it puts a whole new meaning to the word “untactful” when you have the nerve to actually ask the couple, “So, are you going to get married?”
I mean honestly, there are only two logical reasons I can think of for why you would ask this question outright (maybe that’s because only two people have actually asked us).
The first reason that you may ask a couple this question is really quite simple. Your religious denomination has convinced you that the proper thing to do is to get married. This is one reason, as annoying and stupid as I might find it, that I can actually forgive. I can forgive it because I have learned that religion has a tendency to overrule simple common sense and human decency. However, I cannot help but ponder this for a moment. If your religion believes that this is the next logical step in life, than I must assume that it probably feels that the couples previous lifestyle was “sinful” and that the unborn child was conceived in an act of “sin”. That being said, why would someone of such a strong religious faith care whether or not the couple continued to live in “sin” or whether they tried to cover up the “sinful” act by getting married? Being totally confused by this, I must admit that I hold no grudge against my child’s grandmother for asking this of her son. She asked the question, he told her we weren’t and she graciously accepted his choice. Regardless of what she may or may not think, she has the class and human decency to keep her opinions to herself on the matter. I like her!
The second reason that you might ask a couple this question is not nearly as simple and falls more into a category of sinister. You are really just a good for nothing, nosey, gossip-whoring, rumormonger (as I believe was the case with the other person who asked us this question). This person really doesn’t care what your intentions are or why you might choose one path over another. All they really want is to get as much information as they can to gossip to their friends about you. In this case, there is really no wrong or right answer to the question at hand. If you tell the person, “Yes, we think that marriage is the next logical step,” they will tell all their friends how tragic it is that you are getting married because you got pregnant. If on the other hand, you tell this person that you do not believe a baby is a good reason to get married, they are likely to tell their friends how tragic it is that your poor child will be born a bastard. (Just a note here: If I ever hear anyone call MY child a bastard, they will need some serious dental work done in the near future.)
I’m certain that there are probably a few other reasons that someone might ask this question of an unmarried couple who was expecting, but I am not yet aware of these reasons because everyone who really knows the two of us has not needed to ask. They simply knew us well enough to realize that we do not believe a baby is the right reason to get married. Oh, we may talk about it now and then, and we may crack a joke here and there, but at this particular moment in our pre-baby lives we are not seriously considering getting married before the baby gets here.
So I am still perplexed at why we find it acceptable to ask a pregnant couple (I use that term lightly because it is obvious to anyone with two eyes that only ONE of us is pregnant!) if they have any plans to get married in the near future. I mean think about it this way. If a married couple came up to you and told you they had decided not to have any more children, would you immediately ask, “Oh, well are you getting a divorce?” I’m certain that unless you were talking to my biological father this question would never enter your mind. Why is that? Getting a divorce is almost as “trendy” as getting married these days!
Okay, here’s something I just don’t understand about our society. I don’t understand why it is that when people find out that an unmarried couple is pregnant, the first question that pops into their mind is, “Well, are you going to get married?”
So, upon further thought I can understand how this might pop into one’s mind, it’s only human nature to wonder these things. However, it puts a whole new meaning to the word “untactful” when you have the nerve to actually ask the couple, “So, are you going to get married?”
I mean honestly, there are only two logical reasons I can think of for why you would ask this question outright (maybe that’s because only two people have actually asked us).
The first reason that you may ask a couple this question is really quite simple. Your religious denomination has convinced you that the proper thing to do is to get married. This is one reason, as annoying and stupid as I might find it, that I can actually forgive. I can forgive it because I have learned that religion has a tendency to overrule simple common sense and human decency. However, I cannot help but ponder this for a moment. If your religion believes that this is the next logical step in life, than I must assume that it probably feels that the couples previous lifestyle was “sinful” and that the unborn child was conceived in an act of “sin”. That being said, why would someone of such a strong religious faith care whether or not the couple continued to live in “sin” or whether they tried to cover up the “sinful” act by getting married? Being totally confused by this, I must admit that I hold no grudge against my child’s grandmother for asking this of her son. She asked the question, he told her we weren’t and she graciously accepted his choice. Regardless of what she may or may not think, she has the class and human decency to keep her opinions to herself on the matter. I like her!
The second reason that you might ask a couple this question is not nearly as simple and falls more into a category of sinister. You are really just a good for nothing, nosey, gossip-whoring, rumormonger (as I believe was the case with the other person who asked us this question). This person really doesn’t care what your intentions are or why you might choose one path over another. All they really want is to get as much information as they can to gossip to their friends about you. In this case, there is really no wrong or right answer to the question at hand. If you tell the person, “Yes, we think that marriage is the next logical step,” they will tell all their friends how tragic it is that you are getting married because you got pregnant. If on the other hand, you tell this person that you do not believe a baby is a good reason to get married, they are likely to tell their friends how tragic it is that your poor child will be born a bastard. (Just a note here: If I ever hear anyone call MY child a bastard, they will need some serious dental work done in the near future.)
I’m certain that there are probably a few other reasons that someone might ask this question of an unmarried couple who was expecting, but I am not yet aware of these reasons because everyone who really knows the two of us has not needed to ask. They simply knew us well enough to realize that we do not believe a baby is the right reason to get married. Oh, we may talk about it now and then, and we may crack a joke here and there, but at this particular moment in our pre-baby lives we are not seriously considering getting married before the baby gets here.
So I am still perplexed at why we find it acceptable to ask a pregnant couple (I use that term lightly because it is obvious to anyone with two eyes that only ONE of us is pregnant!) if they have any plans to get married in the near future. I mean think about it this way. If a married couple came up to you and told you they had decided not to have any more children, would you immediately ask, “Oh, well are you getting a divorce?” I’m certain that unless you were talking to my biological father this question would never enter your mind. Why is that? Getting a divorce is almost as “trendy” as getting married these days!
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