Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Let's Get Married!!

Random Conversation

Me: I'm still pissy
Daddy: Why?
Me: Because I married an IDIOT!
Daddy: What'd I do?
Me: I'm not married to YOU! I'm not married to anyone anymore. Thank God!
Daddy: *grinning sinisterly* Oh, you will be!
Me: Oh, no sir!
Daddy: Oh, yes! You're giving me THAT tax break!!
*mutual laughter*
Daddy: *in a loud goofy voice* "$250 dollar tax break!! Honey!!! Did you know about this?!? LET'S GET MARRIED!!!"

(better break out the hammer and smash a pinkie... or two)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Crap, I'll give you the damn $250.00. That's not suppose to be how it goes. this is how it goes.

s: Mr. R may I marry your daughter

Mr. R. No here's $250 keep living together. If you have time to worry about getting married you have time to get another job. Busy your mind with work. She's already laid you, what more do you want.

s: Thanks Dad..

Kori Thanks Daddy. Saved by the bell.