Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


Yes, I know I'm slacking on my blog, but honestly I've been busy. I promise, I'll be sure to have a new post (with an extremely believable excuse) before the end of the night. I'm working on it right now, but frankly "House" is coming on in less than an hour and since it's the only time I refuse to pry myself away from the TV (even if the apartment was on fire) today's string of excuses (and obsinities about my weekend) will simply have to wait until later tonight.

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