Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.


If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

10 things I hate about being pregnant:

  1. Trying to find clothes that fit without making me look like a hippopotamus in a shower curtain
  2. Putting on my shoes and socks in the morning
  3. Feeling like I need to take a nap every two hours
  4. The thought of all the extra wieght I'm going to have this summer
  5. The weird things that are going on with my belly button
  6. Not being able to sleep on my stomach because it's like balancing and elephant on a basketball
  7. Not being able to be in a bad mood without someone chalking it up to hormones
  8. Having to perfect various yoga positions in order to take a bath
  9. 1500 side effects for which there is no cure
  10. A list of 5000 things that need to be done in the next 3 months and no energy to do them

10 things I love about being pregnant

  1. Not feeling guilty for making the 17-year-old grocery boy push my cart out to the car in 20 degree weather
  2. Watching my belly wiggle like jello when the baby moves
  3. Having an excuse for my total inability to concentrate or form logical thought processes
  4. Being able to blame my bad day on the baby
  5. Being able to eat as much as my heart desires without people giving me funny looks
  6. Shopping for cute little girl's outfits
  7. The way Daddy smiles when he's rubbing my belly
  8. Having an excuse for why the dishes aren't done & the trash is sitting on the front step
  9. Being able to order a virgin Pina Colada without looking like a sissy
  10. Of course, our sweet (obnoxious) little girl.

Ranting by Ellie's Mommie at 12:20 PM

What's it about?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)