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Saturday, March 24, 2007

What NOT to Eat!

Okay, I know I'm risking it here by writing yet another post inspired by someone else, but what can I say. It's been a dull week and I don't really have a life.

I hope that Karla is pleased that she was able to inspire me rather than ticked at my theiving her idea. I guess if it ruffles her feathers I'll remove it because, well frankly, I like her and she makes me laugh hysterically so I don't want to tick her off.

So if you're reading this, please go check out
Karla's post about eating hitchhiker's feet! Try not to puke on her page though, last I knew she was still cleaning up her own vomit.

So here goes nothing . . . .

As Karla said, "Not everything technically marked as 'food' is edible." So here's my list of things that you should NOT eat!!

Insects! I don't care if they ARE chocolate covered and you ARE a chocoholic. We do NOT live in a third world country. You are NOT dying of starvation. And this is NOT "Survivor Man". It is simply not NORMAL to see a creepy crawly insect and think, "hmm, wonder what he'd taste like? Bet he'd be good with some cheese fondue!" Please seek help!!

Raw Meat! I'm okay if you like you steak rare. However, (and this one's for my Dad!) if there's a chance that my local vet can save the poor animal that is sprawled out on your plate you have a problem. Please keep in mind that cavemen discovered fire a very long time ago and it has proved quite useful ever since. This applies to ALL meats, including seafood! If you need further inspiration to apply some heat to your meat, please watch some of the freaky medical mysteries on cable and repeat after me, "TAPE WORM!!"

Rocky Mountain Oysters! These are neither oysters, nor are they from the Rocky Mountains. I must confess here, I did try these once when I was a teenager, but it was only to prove that a boy was a wimp! I do not recommend that anyone make a habit out of eating any part of an animal's reproductive system! No doubt this food was probably inspired by some freaky "fertility charm" but that is no excuse! The next time you get an inspiration to eat this portion of an animal, please take a moment to look down and think back to your High School health class. Now think about what is inside of those and what they are originally used for. Yeah, now think back to all those newspaper headlines you've read about the messed up things people do with their animals when no one is looking. Finally, ask yourself "Is it any different if you cut that stuff off and fry it up before you put them in your mouth?"

Okra! Okay, after years of being horrified at the thought of okra, I finally broke down and tried some fried okra the other day. I'll admit that it wasn't all that bad. However, I can definately think of much better vegetables to fry that okra. You can never really appreciate why I have such a distaste for okra unless you have tried to boil it. Yes, I realize that "boiled okra" is not a very common dish, but I am clearly kitchen challenged and you can guess that I inheritted that fair and square. My mother, though a fabulous cook now, was not always so gifted in the kitchen. You might even say there was a time that she qualified as clueless. So when my father jokingly asked to have okra for dinner, she happily purchased and proceded to boil okra. Let me spare you the horrific experience of trying this in your own kitchen. The smell of boiling okra is the equivilant of boiling cat urine! Nothing kills an appetite like a kitchen permeating with the sweet aroma of feline piss! While fried okra may be highly edible, I remain skeptical of any vegetable that could possible emit such a rotten smell when added to boiling water.

Thus ends my list of foods that should not be eaten. Now if you haven't done it already, get your butt over to karlababble and read her list! DO IT!!!


Anonymous said...

I had forgotten all about boiled okra. Damn Scotts coming next week with the boys. He hates hamb casserole. I'll ask him if he would like me to fix that and boiled okra...he he love mom mie

karla said...

You're right about everything but okra. I've never had it boiled, or any other way but fried, so I can only speak for the fried version-- which isn't exactly sumptuous, but it's agreeable enough, like all fried foods. Fried foods taste like batter, not the food inside, so they're all basically edible. Now that I think of it, hitchhikers' feet might taste okay if they were fried.

Hmmm...I'm going to go try that now.