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If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

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If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Friday, March 30, 2007

So Sad I Can't Play

In a desperate attempt to fit in with the locals (Mom & Mole) I tried to find some "creeps" in our area. I mean, anytime we're rewarding points for who has the most "creeps" I'm all for making an honest attempt at participating.

Thus, my mission of sorrow began.

I scoured the local headlines for the creepiest individuals I could find, but my search turned over no leads. I resorted to reading the local police blotter, but the worst I could find were some DUI's and some minor drug charges. I even searched the local opinion articles, thinking that someone might bring up a near-forgotten topic. Nothing! So alas, my search has ended leaving me with zero newsworthy "creeps".

I did find some headlines that seemed promising:

  • Core Positions Probed - one would think that anytime you use the words "positions" and "probed" in the same sentence, there must be something interesting there... but sadly, no creeps
  • 'Pencil' Fund to Aid School - the quote marks led me to believe we might be talking about an entirely different kind of 'pencil', but I was mistaken... just plain old graphite sticks here.
  • Egg Hunts and Spring Dances? Fancy That - It was the short summary of this article that got my hopes up with the phrases "It's finally Spring, the time when your fancy turns to..." and "From the looks of it, there will be plenty of the wet stuff this weekend." But alas, it was just a short article on our local Spring weather.

All hopes nearly lost, I began to scan other areas of the local newspaper's website.

  • GET TO KNOW YOUR CANDIDATES BETTER - Just how well can we get to know them? While I'm certain that many of the people who run for political positions are probably "creeps" there was no dirt found here.
  • Breed Ban - My heart fluttered! This could be good! Again I was disappointed to learn it was just a discussion board about bans on certain dog breeds.

So sadly, I have resigned to being unable to compete in this fabulous "creep" competition.

But check out my Mother's creeps and Mole's creeps. If you think you can compete with their creeps, feel free to make an honest effort! I wish you luck in your search for creeps!

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