Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Yet another FAT wise crack!

*looking up at Baby Ticker*

Okay, as if I haven't already mentioned that the past two days I've been a target for unauthorized (and very unwelcomed) comments about my knocked-up state... I just now read that ticker!

"Mommy is gaining a pound a week. Lay off the cake woman! You're not REALLY eating for two."

You know, that just takes the cake. haha... yeah, that's soooo NOT funny!! Damn people and their stupid WISE-ASS remarks! I'm going to go eat a pint of ice-cream to calm my nerves!

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