Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Thursday, March 1, 2007

March Laughter

Feeling down in the dumps? Need a good laugh?
My fellow bloggers can cure your Springtime blues!
Check out my favorites for the month of March!
(You might want to empty your bladder before you browse through these selections.)

My Mother - Some things only family can laugh about, but here are a few that everyone should enjoy.
My Cousin - Again, it's a family thing. But you oughta like these.
Karlababble - 80% laugh-rate!
All & Sundry - 27% laugh-rate
Suburban Turmoil - 18% laugh-rate
Amalah - 21% laugh-rate
Halushki - 33% laugh-rate
Learning Curve - 12% laugh-rate
Pickled Beef - 33% laugh-rate
Rockstar Mommy - 44% laugh-rate
Styrofoam Kitty - 25% laugh-rate
Looky Daddy - 29% laugh-rate
Dad Gone Mad - 38% laugh-rate

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