Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Sunday, March 4, 2007

Quote of the Day

This was actually said a long time ago, but it still pops up in our joking conversations from time to time. It's so funny I can't keep it all to myself.

*holding up some paper sacks brought home from work*
"Honey, I brought home these sacks, I thought we could use them as bags!"

--Daddy Dearest

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Poor Ellie:
Tell Daddy dearest that maybe we could tie the bags around the cats we have fixed. Then we could hear which ones we have already caught. GET IN THE SACK JACK..