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Thursday, March 1, 2007

In the News Today

INDIANA - A 21-year-old man was arrested at a bank after trying to cash a a check from God in the amount of $50,000. The man now faces two felony charges and a misdemeanor which could result in him serving time in prison.

What's the big deal? Churches have been doing this for years and we give them tax breaks on top of it.

ROME - A 74-year-old woman was shocked to find a World War II grenade in her bag of potatoes.

From infectious spinach to poisoned peanut butter. Now we have explosive potatoes! Plant products around the world are under attack!!

MILAN - A teacher cuts a 7-year-old's tongue with a pair of scissors to silence him. The boy required 5 stitches and the teacher risks being fired.

I hate to think what she might have done if the boy wouldn't stay in his seat (or if he'd said he needed to use the bathroom)!

KANSAS - PETA puts an end to the K-State tradition. For years, K-State fans have snuck live chickens into games against KU and then thrown them onto the court to mock KU's Jayhawk mascot. PETA claimed that chickens are "intellegent and inquisitive animals" and that the chicken's were inhumanely subjected to "deafening noise, bright lights, terror, abusive handling and likely death for the sake of amusement." PETA also stated that any student caught throwing a chicken on the court should be throw out of school. Ironically, the Jayhawks are currently on a 24 game winning streak against the K-State Wildcats.

This makes me contemplate all the things that could be thrown onto the court: Corn on the cob & canned corn (Cornhuskers); Hamburgers (Longhorns); Batteries (Shockers); Honey Bees (Hornets); Kittens (Lions); Canned Tuna (Dolphins); Cigarette Lighters (Flames); Water Balloons (Lakers); Axes (Lumberjacks); Ice Cubes (Comets); Vacuum Cleaner Bags (Dustdevils); Doggie Bones (Bulldogs); the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, I was unable to find any way to mock the Artichokes, Frogs, Anteaters or Poets. And don't even get me started on what you could throw at the Beavers or Gamecocks!!


Randomness said...

I read that 4 14 year old girls got pregnant at the same time because they thought it was "fashionable" hmmm, i don't think I thought that would be fashionable when I was in 8th grade. But maybe that is just me.

Anonymous said...

Ok kill the teacher by cutting the tongue and letting her bleed out. That's just sick.

Kill the chickens and fry them, that's all they are good for.

wrap the grenade in foil and give it to the PETA people.

Throw a party with the $50,000 and invite all the athiest.