Hello and welcome to the MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE.


If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we'll trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer you.

If you are dislexic, press 69696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later.

And if you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy for your shit!

Friday, March 23, 2007

Drunken Baby Syndrome

And now for a word from our sponsors!

  • Me: (to belly) You've been quiet all day and the minute we sit down by Daddy you start kicking me to death!
  • Daddy: That's probably because I just tapped on your belly like fifty times!
  • Me: (places hands on head) AHHHH! Bad Daddy!! Bebe have HANGOVER!!
  • Daddy: (raising one eyebrow) Have you been drinking?
  • Me: Well, no! But she might have been!
  • Daddy: (nodding) Oh! Injecting it straight to her are you?
  • Me: NO! But I am certain that she's been throwing some CRAZY parties in there!!
  • Daddy: (with a very concerned look on his face) There is just ONE in there, right?
  • Me: Well, I'm pretty sure she sends her friends home after the party . . . or maybe she's just throwing parties with the voices in her head!
  • Daddy: Well! What would you do if you were trapped in a box for NINE MONTHS!!

Ranting by Ellie's Mommie at 2:21 PM

What's it about?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

She's just getting a head start on Uncle Dan and Brian for the camp out. One thing about it, if she has an upset stomach at the campout, there's always plenty of people puking in the woods, she can join them.. love Mom Mie

March 23, 2007 at 9:12 PM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)